Wasn't sure if I wanted to put it out there, but I needed a place to let it out. I suppose my situation was too good to be true. Dated for years, but the marriage itself did not make it to a single year, at least unofficially.
It's been a stressful time. She previously had a government job under an agency that doge culled. She loved her job. I realize that as a society we work too much, but to some degree people do want to feel productive and that many people find their workplaces to be places of belonging. She apologized for taking so long to come to this conclusion, but she mentioned that this time away from work has helped a lot with self-reflection.
I was aware that she considered herself bi previously and that she had relations with women before. I wasn't aware of the extent of it. She told me she felt compulsory heterosexuality for a long time, but wasn't entirely sure of it and I was her last chance in regards to men. She told me she still loved me, just not that way, and that I was the best partner she'd ever had, that she was remorseful about not being compatible in that regard. We discussed a lot of more private feelings, mostly trying to understand and showing concern for each other.
I support her. If that's how she feels then that's how she feels, and she deserves to be happy. I'm not angry with her, and we're not leaving each others lives, just changing roles. It still hurts a lot, but that's life sometimes. It isn't anyone's fault.
That said I'm glad I won't be doing anything tomorrow. I'm just struggling to function right now. And yeah, that's how it's going.
Edit: I slept in today quite a bit. I've read through most of the replies and it really melted my heart. I cried a bit. I didn't expect so many kind words or this much encouragement. I appreciate a lot of the advice too. I don't really know how to express any gratitude beyond this. I will try to reply a bit more later, but I need to take some more time to myself for a while. Thank you.
you seem to be claiming outrage shouldn't exist.
i think using people is negative, yes. I'm Kantian.
That explains your dug-in heels and disregard for emotional intelligence.
Outrage exists as a signal that can guide us. It is not an imperative to mete out harm merely at its existence.
If using people is a negative, never ask another soul for a favor again. Never work for another person. Never pursue a relationship. Never ask for help. Never respond to a plea for help. You are alone and no one is here for you, nor are you here for anyone else. To cooperate is to use and be used. Therefore, you should reject cooperation.
right, i'm emotionally unintelligent if i think dishonestly is bad. if only i was a moral relativist, i'd be so intelligent.
you are twisting words now. according to you when i go to the grocery store i am 'using' the cashier. I'm not. using people is when you manipulate them for your own ends. when the grocery store manager emotionally abuses the employee to get them to work overtime wthout extra pay, that is using them.
But in your weird world view the manager is just 'emotionally intelligent' right?
Using people is using people. Change the definition all you like, but you're limiting yourself on purpose.
Listen man, your feelings don't require a villain. You make a conscious choice to infect your mind with ill will, and that's your prerogative. I can only say I'm glad the OP is the one dealing with this, and not you. They're handling things with an admirable amount of grace, and you'd handle it with less than admirable amount of animosity. Good luck with your life. I hope you don't hurt anyone.
I believe in the notion of accountability. Which I understand is 'hostile' and 'villainous' to those who think the notion is wrong and bad, because they think nobody is responsible for their own actions. That it's 'society' that forces them to deceptive and abuse. Lots of people think the abusive/cheating partner is the 'hero' of the story. I don't agree with them. I think the person who was hurt is the hero.
You have a warped view of the world. That's a you problem. Go be outraged somewhere else.
My view is warped because I believe people are responsible for their actions?
I mean, it's not the first time I've been told this. But I live in a very progressive city where people get very offended at the notion anyone is personally responsible for their own choices at all. Maybe you live here too.
Yep, that's exactly what it is. There isn't a reasonable perspective held by anyone else. Only you. You are so virtuous and kind, and we are all heathens before you.
I'm not engaging anymore.
I never said any of that. I also never villianized OP's wife. Lots of people share my viewpoint, but they are unlikely to be on lemmy where the default is a lot of relativism and far leftism and a banning of anyone who has non-extreme views. I think marriage is sacred and serious, but I'm clearly warped. I know for some people marriage is not a big deal and there is no difference between it and dating casually.
You keep putting words in my mouth and blaming me for them. Projection is a hell of a drug. But this is the internet, what you read from my comments is not so much the words so much as the fiction you are writing in your head about a stranger.
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