Wasn't sure if I wanted to put it out there, but I needed a place to let it out. I suppose my situation was too good to be true. Dated for years, but the marriage itself did not make it to a single year, at least unofficially.
It's been a stressful time. She previously had a government job under an agency that doge culled. She loved her job. I realize that as a society we work too much, but to some degree people do want to feel productive and that many people find their workplaces to be places of belonging. She apologized for taking so long to come to this conclusion, but she mentioned that this time away from work has helped a lot with self-reflection.
I was aware that she considered herself bi previously and that she had relations with women before. I wasn't aware of the extent of it. She told me she felt compulsory heterosexuality for a long time, but wasn't entirely sure of it and I was her last chance in regards to men. She told me she still loved me, just not that way, and that I was the best partner she'd ever had, that she was remorseful about not being compatible in that regard. We discussed a lot of more private feelings, mostly trying to understand and showing concern for each other.
I support her. If that's how she feels then that's how she feels, and she deserves to be happy. I'm not angry with her, and we're not leaving each others lives, just changing roles. It still hurts a lot, but that's life sometimes. It isn't anyone's fault.
That said I'm glad I won't be doing anything tomorrow. I'm just struggling to function right now. And yeah, that's how it's going.
Edit: I slept in today quite a bit. I've read through most of the replies and it really melted my heart. I cried a bit. I didn't expect so many kind words or this much encouragement. I appreciate a lot of the advice too. I don't really know how to express any gratitude beyond this. I will try to reply a bit more later, but I need to take some more time to myself for a while. Thank you.
oh right, because i think people being dishonest in relationships is bad and malicious... i'm homophobic! clearly, if i just stopped hating gay people, i'd be totally comfortable with people lying to other people in a marriage and see nothing wrong with it or any reason for it to make anyone angry. next time i meet someone who tells me their ex cheated on them and they are angry about it, i'll be sure to lecture them how it's clearly their latent homophobia that is what is going on, not their sense of human dignitar and respect.
am i also homophobic if i think cheating is wrong too? do the pressures of 'society' force cheaters to cheat too or something?
i mean i get it. the idea of accountability and responsibility is very offensive to many people. because it implies they are 'at fault' for the crappy things they themselves have done in life, rather than blameless victims of circumstance of a 'society' that forced them to lie, cheat, and manipulate other people for their own personal ends. just like 'society' forces people to DUI, right?
Yet I notice you take no accountability yourself...
really, what have i done that demands i account for it? have i lied to you personally or something? are we in a relationship? I wasn't aware.
Your behaviour in this thread, assuming it's representative of your thoughts and opinions when you interact with people offline too, is partly responsible for creating the situation that forces LGBTQ to suppress and hide themselves, that makes it difficult if not impossible for them to avoid the situations like the OP described in this thread.
That's something you could own and you could change.
But you don't, you instead blame the people who are impacted by folk like yourself, without looking at your own actions as part of the cycle.