this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2026
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Negative five. Actively sex-repulsed. I’m taking this virginity to my grave.
My romance drive, on the other hand, is approximately where Gomez Addams’ is at. I am infatuated with my wife. And since I have incredibly bad prosopagnosia, I can’t remember what she looks like, so every time I see her is the first time.
Sometimes I just ask her to sit and look at me so I can admire for a bit.
We’ve been married for ten years. I fuckin’ adore her.
Wow. Every time you see her is the first time. That's some romantic shit. I don't know if I envy you, but I'm certainly curious
If ever I’m out and about and I’m aching to see her, I keep (a lot of) pictures of her on my phone. She’s so precious.
Posted with consent:
I’ve got an ignorant question which I hope isn’t offensively ignorant. If it is, absolutely no pressure to respond.
When I look at the face of someone I know well, I don’t really see their current face alone unless I try to. I see more of an amalgamation of all the times I’ve looked at them, so I really don’t notice if my husband has a pimple or looks tired or bloated or something unless I actively look for those things (I do automatically notice expressions and changes in overall skin tone automatically though).
In my own face, I do notice temporary blemishes and signs of poor sleep/self care, more than I’d like to, honestly. I can absolutely confirm that the attractiveness of my face varies day to day, and sometimes I just look like shit, so I assume that’s true for my husband, who’s older than I am and smoked for longer (we also both smoke weed, but neither of us is a drinker, barring a couple of years when we were younger).
I never look at him and think he’s unattractive though. If he tells me he feels like he’s getting sick, I can scan his face and tell him if he’s got visible symptoms, but I don’t perceive him to look like shit. Obviously, he’s not at a superhuman level of attractiveness, it’s just my brain reacting with hormones and memories to create my perceptions.
My question is this: does your brain recognize your wife like that at a subconscious level, even if you see her without the context of your relationship, like if you were to meet up with her out somewhere new? Again, I hope that’s not too personal or weird a question and if it is, I’m sorry for prying.
Nope. Every face is entirely new, every time. I recognize people by their style, hair, voice, and any features I can fit into language. (“Oh, there’s the guy with a swastika scar on his forehead, something he can’t take off.”)
I have hugged strangers who weren’t my wife but who were really close to looking like her, which was almost always (but not entirely) followed with an apology. There was one girl who just said “I have no idea who you are, but I needed that.”
There was an ex-roommate who I didn’t get on with very well; she was conniving and underhanded, a real manipulator-type. And she knows the extent of my face-blindness. Here comes a brunette girl, on the heavier side just a bit, a big vibrant smile on her face, arms outstretched. “Tanis, give me a hug!” I can’t place her, but she means well, and she’s someone I should probably know.
After the hug, she reveals her identity and I walk off in tears, thoroughly grossed out and violated. She knew this about me, and she used it against me.
This affliction makes me quite vulnerable at times. Most of my real life friends re-introduce themselves to me every time they change their clothes, which shows a level of care that I do my best to reciprocate.
That’s really awful of your ex roommate, I’m sorry she did that to you.
I’m glad the rest of your circle is good about it, it’s an easy adjustment. Plus it’s probably pretty affirming for them to see your face when they introduce themselves :)
Also, another thing worth elaborating on:
The missing chunk in my right lens is a marker that I can use to locate the upper right corner of my face in a mirror. It helps me make sense of what I’m looking at.
People give me compliments for the shape of my glasses all the time, and yet in reality, it’s just a disability aid.