Ask Lemmy

Never to look for anything, they might come and talk or wake me up if needed. But they knocked or called before coming in. I never locked my room, so they could have if they wanted to, they simply didn't want to. They also never checked my bags or pockets. One time my little brother snitched on me smoking, my dad made me grab the cigarettes and dispose of them. He didn't look for them himself.

Is this normal? I'm biased. To me it is. I think privacy is an important part of forming your identity. Having a space where you can be yourself and express yourself, and keep your failed attempts at self-expression to yourself. Nobody needs to see your attempts of tying a tie that you discovered was the total opposite of cool and you died of shame getting laughed at at school. Your parents don't need to know that shit. Their job is to love and support you, not get into the weeds of youth fashion.

And this is true of many things, but i can imagine that sometimes interventions are needed. When drugs or weapons are involved for example, parents should be parenting. As it's very difficult as a teenager to understand when self expression crosses into self harm. And in that case supporting your children could mean infringement on their privacy in some occasions.

I guess in a way my parents trusted me and trusted their formative parenting years enough to give me the privacy i had. And it is very difficult for a child to bot blame themselves for a loss of privacy, even when it's the parents not trusting their own parenting enough to trust their children with privacy.