Ask Lemmy

Interesting question. In our apparent societal quest to remove as many differences between the two traditional genders (yes, there are more than two, but that's a whole other conversation that's been covered at length and in-depth elsewhere), we seem very keen to push the idea that attitudes and physiology in terms of masterbation for men and women are mostly the same.

It feels like we've conflated equality with similarity, to such an extent that to suggest differencees between the most prominent genders implies superiority/inferiority of one group over another.

I'd argue that the trope of the teenage boy who's coming of age, suddenly obsessed with sex, who discovers masterbation and does it several times a day - to the extent that it's viewed in a slightly comedic/immature yet relatable fashion by fully grown men, is mostly accurate. Hence being a wanker is a fairly easy insult to throw - the implication being that the man being insulted is immature and sexually frustrated.

I don't think that lands the same to teenage girls in terms of the weight of the insult. Girls don't generally, to my knowledge (3 sisters, multiple female friends, 2 marriages) reference each other's elevated teenage sex drives when insulating each other.

Away from the internet, there are obviously physical differences and less well understood hormonal and psychology elements at play that affect the frequency, intensity and arguably the nature of arousal in men and women. There are outliers and yes, to some extent we're all similar.. But those differences needn't be dismissed in a well meaning but, to my mind, over-simplistic take like 'both men and women can be wankers'.

Yes I'd agree, that's objectively true, but the very act of pointing that out as some some sort of self-evident fact, shows that there has been a belief to the contrary in the past that's worth exploring. It may very well be rooted in historical sexism or ignorance, but my point is that we have a tendency to short-circuit the discussion with convenient and acceptable statements, rather than exploring, acknowledging and possibly celebrating our differences.

I dunno honestly. Is it considered wanking if you do it to somebody else? Or is it only considered wanking if done to yourself thus eliminating women and anybody withput a penis?