Autism

Ok, I know I am being super paranoid about this, but I don’t think I’ve ever struggled this much with a decision in my life.

So my dad told me last minute that he wanted to take my sister and I to Round One (an arcade with a bunch of claw machines). He and my sister watch videos of it all the time, and it did look kind of satisfying. However, it did seem a bit different than a typical arcade. I usually love arcades, but this one just isn’t sitting well with me for some reason.

On top of it, (TMI) I am close to starting my period and it has been irregular for the past few months. It’s been making me not feel so great when it is close to starting, and tonight I had one of the worst emotional moments I’ve had in a long time. My sister and I had a small argument (ironically, she is on her period as well, but hers is a bit different as she has an IUD and is also on medication for this and other health issues). I asked her if she would be ok if I didn’t go, and she said it was fine (she loves getting one on one time with my dad). I really want to go, but have several concerns. My issues with going are, 1. My dad wants to go early, at like 9 am, 2. My sister said there is a bunch of references/slang there that I likely won’t understand (this bothers me greatly as I enjoy talking normally without the random slang everybody uses), and 3. I want to spend some extra time with my grandmother who is going home tomorrow. I’ve honestly not paid much attention to her this week just because I’ve occasionally been annoyed with her for she favors me sometimes, and my sister talked negatively of her a few days ago. However, I realized how much I really love spending time with her, especially now since I’ve lost four people over the last year (three family and one of my doctors). My grandma is very blunt and mentions that she’s getting old and doesn’t have much time left. I personally don’t believe that to be true as she is healthy, but does have some medical conditions. 4. My mother (a clean freak with Emetaphobia), has talked nonstop about Norovirus and how we will get sick if we don’t sanitize constantly. I am terrified of throwing up, just like my mother. She and I have gone decades without doing it, but I’m still constantly worried.

I’ve honestly just been an emotional wreck all night, I’ve felt so overstimulated, plus I have a ton of candy from Christmas and while too much makes me feel sick, I just love it lol. Normally I’m very healthy as I’m a college athlete and run 5-6 days a week, but since my septoplasty I’ve rarely ran as I need to allow my nose to heal. I start back next week. I’m hoping I can just take a day to rest tomorrow, but also get some exercise as I love being outside.

I don’t know what to do. I really want to go to this arcade, but at the same time, I want to take some time to myself. Sorry if I sound like I’m ranting or complaining over nothing.