this post was submitted on 17 Dec 2025
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Lol, I grew up in a small town, now live in a city. I have had one person in the last decade say that to me in a city. Got it once a week in a small town.
My anecdotal evidence cancels yours out.
Also Rurality Matters in LGBTQ Slur Use
This matches my experience. Worst in rural areas, still present to a lesser degree in urban ones.
in the city, nobody gives a fuck about you long as you don't stop them from going from point a to point b. interrupt them though and you better have a good fucking reason
least in the proper big cities, experience probably differ in the more segmented/living-in-the-past places like Boston, where old grudges lie deep
West coast small towns are like something out of Central Casting.
Even the homeless groups and young hoodlums are completely diverse and look like they were hired by Netflix for portraying fair representation. It's hilarious to see after living in places where racial and gender lines were set in some kind of ancient stone and people haaaated each other's groups or identities.
It actually makes me feel really hopeful for the future going into a walmart out west and seeing every other couple is interracial or there are gay or lesbian couples openly holding hands in public. The attitudes and cartoonish hatred you see on Trump-fixated media seems like fiction from another world. (At least until the ICE gas grenades start landing in the home depot parking lot.)
As a product of a rural town in SoCal, I can assure you there are VERY white, VERY racist places all over the west coast. I regularly had to deal with neonazis and white trash racists growing up. Still full of toxic bigots, I hate going out in public there. I wish I lived anywhere like what you described but even the big city near me is pretty rich, white, and conservative.
Do you present as straight?
Classic case
City people are just minding their own business and don't like it when you get in the way of their business in some way. Small town people are more likely to have a grudge against some part of your identity, whether it be physical, sexual, whatever. But yes as a straight white male, when I visited the US, small town America was very friendly and polite. Mostly seemed like fake friendliness though. Like overdone in some way. In the big city (NYC in this case), everyone just... ignored us and we ignored them.