this post was submitted on 17 Dec 2025
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Alt text: A pansexual and a femboy person are at a bar. The former says to the femboy, hey there hot stuff. Want me to buy you a drink or what? The femboy responds, I'm a guy. Zooming in on the two, pan then says, does that change anything? causing the femboy to blush.

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[–] riwo@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 2 days ago (2 children)

i think people often say these kinds of seemingly unrelated things, when they try to imply something.

for example when i hit on someone and they tell me they are straight, as if they were telling me they arent interested, the chances are good that they think that i am the same gender as them and that they are therefor not interested. ofc this is only implied, since i do not know their gender and i don't have a gender myself, which makes having the same gender as me quite hard.

i find it quite annoying, when people do this, because it collapses all the variety in gender and sexuality, into some rigid definitions

[–] FoxyFerengi@startrek.website 22 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'm agender, but my body is very clearly gendered

I agree that it's annoying that people assume someone's gender, but we also have to give people some grace. Most humans fit into one of two boxes, and the other boxes are on a shelf that is slightly out of reach and easily forgotten

I might be lucky in this, but people usually get the idea that I'm not cis if I ask for their pronouns while we're in the introductory phase

[–] riwo@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

i agree, we should be patient and understanding whith people who act by opressive social systems. after all, most never learned anything different and it takes a life time to unlearn these systems.

its still annoying and they better stop it soon >:c

[–] birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Patience, kindness, and time first - for all who seem just a bit misguided or not actively malicious.

Blocking, ignoring, and hellfire for those who know to not do it, and yet choose to be offensive.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 2 days ago

I mean, they're saying they think you are the same gender as them, and that they aren't interested, in a not very polite way.

I don't see how thats ... even implying anything.

'Sorry, I'm straight' is a pretty direct statement of assuming or asserting your gender, and also saying they're not sexually/romantically interested in you.

I'm basically a bi dude, trans inclusive, but I'm not gonna lie, I don't tend to find myself attracted to many... agender/ambigender/genderfluid folks. I'm not like, against dating or fooling around with such people on principle or anything like that, its just that I rarely find people who identify as such, that I consider attractive.

That being said, I wouldn't turn someone down, or accept a flirt, via assuming their gender. I'd use a bit less discriminatory/categorizing phrasing, probably involving the phrase 'my type', which is gloriously vague.

But... I've been to a good deal of bars, including gay bars, lesbian bars, bars with mostly straight folks, bars with mostly not, bars with a decent mix.

I have, many times, seen people that I know are gay, or lesbian, or bi, just lie to people they're not attracted to, and say 'Sorry, I'm straight.'

They know they aren't straight.

They're just lying, perhaps plausibly lying to that person who doesn't know them, to get that person to go away.

In both your case and my example cases... there's really no need to infer or guess that the person using this phrase is being fairly rude, and a lot of that is intentional.

I've even seen straight people say 'Sorry, I'm gay/lesbian' to get out of a heterosexual flirt from someone they're not attracted to.