Casual Conversation

What does it mean for a person to be somewhere in life? Are you asking what I do, if I'm content with my upbringing, the success of my adulthood, if I'm enjoying the day, or all of the above? I hate the imprecision and ambiguity of language sometimes.

I exist. I am here. The retinas in my eyeballs are encoding the information relayed in your post, and my barely sentient ape brain is firing off a complex series of neurons to search through the space of all possible things I could say in response to give you this message. The statistical likelyhood of this mundane event is miraculously small considering all the myriad of possible divergent paths with small changes in which we either dont exist or never interact in a social media post.

It just snowed and I enjoyed the change in scenery. Another pang of craving for pot or alcohol to stave off yet another boring empty day.

Is existing an accomplishment on its own? Does being somewhere in life currently at least mean I didnt give up on life long ago when I could have? Is struggle and enduring through an unoptimal existance somehow meaningful? Sometimes I feel like its not, when I'm at my most self-loathing and angsty. But other times I feel like I made a change in other peoples lives for the better.

What does it mean to accomplish something? To make it in life? To be somewhere good? Should everyone strive for a family, a good stable career with lots of money, a community that cares about them? Should I want a big house I can't afford, kids, a loving partner? If I don't have these things, am I a loser? What if I just want to live in a van or a houseboat or a cabin in the woods as a hermit? Would my life be inherently less meaningful than a wealthy familymans?

No. To ask that line of question is a category error. Life has no objective place to be in. There is no end goal or win message after you make a kagillion dollars or pop out 12 kids and 5 exes. The only thing I think that matters is how satisfied and if you had fun. Im grateful to still have time to make my plays and feel like I can be/do more than I am now. But I am anxious that I won't capitalize on my future, and will stagnate as I tend to do. I wonder how many others share these worries? It seems like so many so easily achieved what I always wanted, but they somehow aren't satisfied.

I show love to my parents despite the pain caused throughout life, and can rest easy knowing I played a large hand in giving children in need a second chance/home. I do my best to be a better person than I was yesterday. I'm not a wealthy or well accomplished person, but I'm young, smart with technology, and relatively well educated. Physically many people have done more with traditional lifestyle choices which a i envy. Mentally ive reached places of knowledge and understanding only a few have the privlege to glimpsing. I believe people will always want the things they dont have and downplay what they do. I try to be grateful just to be here and exist as I do. If there is a place to be, whos to say of where it is.