this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2025
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Mental Health

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After a year of private psychotherapy, I'm considering taking a break. (programming.dev)
submitted 5 days ago by emotional_soup_88@programming.dev to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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37, male.

I live in Europe, born and raised here too. Never really felt genuine joy or purpose in life until I moved to Japan, where I immersed myself in the language and culture. I moved back to Europe after taking my Master's degree in education, because I had a wife at the time and it's indisputably socioeconomically easier to have a family in my country, compared to Japan. We got divorced even before she got her residence permit. We had a good run. Eight years.

I've been back to Europe for six years now. I haven't felt happiness or purpose since. The contrast is just bizarre. To the point where it feels like a bad joke. In Japan I was a student, in my own country I work full time. Sure. But come on... I know that life isn't easy and that you can't always be happy and euphoric. I would accept being in some sort of "neutral" state 75% of the time and happy 25% of the time. But I'm sad, lonely and angry 90% of the time and "neutral" 10% of the time. I was diagnosed with medium to severe depression a year ago. Go figure. The antidepressants maybe have taken some of the edges off my feelings and I have learned a lot from my therapist.

But I am still sad. The depression seems unaffected. I still project this seemingly unfounded anger and hatred towards myself. What the heck were those euphoric years in Japan?

Anyway, I have spent about €100 per therapy session for the last year. Once a week the first six months and then once every second week the last six months. I'm considering taking a break. For the money and to explore other options.

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[–] Clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Does your therapy include a treatment plan with a goal that once achieved therapy ends?

If not, sounds like you've made your own treatment plan and reached a goal, short a cure.

[–] emotional_soup_88@programming.dev 2 points 5 days ago

Never thought of it that way. Just tried it because I didn't know what else to do. We never made concrete plans, but she did point out before we started, that I have to manage my expectations because some problems may have direct solutions while others don't. And that some problems I will have to learn to coexist with, instead of "getting rid of" them.

But yeah, that's a nice way of putting it. I did gain some things, attained some goals.