this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2025
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Mental Health

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After a year of private psychotherapy, I'm considering taking a break. (programming.dev)
submitted 5 days ago by emotional_soup_88@programming.dev to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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37, male.

I live in Europe, born and raised here too. Never really felt genuine joy or purpose in life until I moved to Japan, where I immersed myself in the language and culture. I moved back to Europe after taking my Master's degree in education, because I had a wife at the time and it's indisputably socioeconomically easier to have a family in my country, compared to Japan. We got divorced even before she got her residence permit. We had a good run. Eight years.

I've been back to Europe for six years now. I haven't felt happiness or purpose since. The contrast is just bizarre. To the point where it feels like a bad joke. In Japan I was a student, in my own country I work full time. Sure. But come on... I know that life isn't easy and that you can't always be happy and euphoric. I would accept being in some sort of "neutral" state 75% of the time and happy 25% of the time. But I'm sad, lonely and angry 90% of the time and "neutral" 10% of the time. I was diagnosed with medium to severe depression a year ago. Go figure. The antidepressants maybe have taken some of the edges off my feelings and I have learned a lot from my therapist.

But I am still sad. The depression seems unaffected. I still project this seemingly unfounded anger and hatred towards myself. What the heck were those euphoric years in Japan?

Anyway, I have spent about €100 per therapy session for the last year. Once a week the first six months and then once every second week the last six months. I'm considering taking a break. For the money and to explore other options.

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[–] emotional_soup_88@programming.dev 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Thank you so much for saying there is nothing wrong with me! That felt really good!

I have been putting off visiting Japan because I'm afraid of what I might feel. I'm afraid to confront my feelings. What if I only feel regrets? But I will go there one day and I will face my feelings.

PS: I absolutely hear what you are pointing out regarding Japan's ignorance toward mental health and nature. I wouldn't weight it against emotional intelligence though. They too are victims of their country's history and politics. The rebuilding of the nation after WW2 required them to adapt a mentality that put aside mental and physical health and environmental awareness for the sake of economic prosperity and metropolitan visuals. Even after becoming an economic superpower in the 80's, they never let go of this mentality, which in my opinion is what Westerners often perceive as them having unhealthy and unsustainable work ethics. But yeah, I wouldn't wish their laboring conditions on anybody.

[–] kingofras@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Sorry for the ambiguity in my message. I was talking about Europe. But I’m glad it served some purpose either way.

The core essence is: be where your heart wants you to be, it’s not wrong to want to leave Europe, you can always visit down the track.