this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2025
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Microblog Memes

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A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

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Filtering out the riff raff (infosec.pub)
submitted 4 months ago by The_Picard_Maneuver@piefed.world to c/microblogmemes@lemmy.world
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[–] PhilipTheBucket@quokk.au 2 points 4 months ago 
                                     EXECUTIVE  
                              (tentative)  
                         Well, Will, I'm not exactly sure 
                         what you mean, we've already offered 
                         you a position..  

               Cut to reveal: Chuckie sitting across from the executives, 
               hair combed down, wearing his Sunday best.  

                                     CHUCKIE  
                         Since this is obviously not my first 
                         time in such altercations, let me 
                         say this:  

               Chuckie rubs the tips of his fingers together, indicating 
               "cash." The executives are baffled.  

                                     CHUCKIE  
                         Look, we can do this the easy way or 
                         the hard way.  

               The executives are completely blank.  

                                     CHUCKIE  
                         At the current time I am looking at 
                         a number of different fields from 
                         which to disseminate which offer is 
                         most pursuant aid to my benefit.  
                              (a beat)  
                         What do you want? What do I want? 
                         What does anybody want? Leniency.  

                                     EXECUTIVE  
                         I'm not sure--  

                                     CHUCKIE  
                         --These circumstances are mitigated.  
                         Right now. They're mitigated.  

               Chuckie puts his hands up, as if getting a vibe from the 
               room.  

                                     EXECUTIVE  
                         Okay...  

               Chuckie points to the third executive.  

                                     CHUCKIE  
                         He knows what I'm talking about.  

               The third executive is baffled.  

                                     CHUCKIE  
                         A retainer. Nobody in this town works 
                         without a retainer. You think you 
                         can find someone who does, you have 
                         my blessin'. But I think we all know 
                         that person isn't going to represent 
                         you as well as I can.  

                                     EXECUTIVE  
                         Will, our offer starts you at eighty-  
                         four thousand a year, plus benefits.  

                                     CHUCKIE  
                         Retainer...  

                                     EXECUTIVE  
                         You want us to give you cash right 
                         now?  

                                     CHUCKIE  
                         Allegedly, what I am saying is your 
                         situation will be concurrently 
                         improved if I had two hundred sheets 
                         in my pocket right now.  

               The executives exchange looks and go for their wallets.  

                                     EXECUTIVE  
                         I don't think I... Larry?  

                                     EXECUTIVE  
                         I have about seventy-three...  

                                     EXECUTIVE  
                         Will you take a check?  

                                     CHUCKIE  
                         Come now... what do you think I am, 
                         a juvenile? You don't got any money 
                         on you right now. You think I'm gonna 
                         take a check?  

                                     EXECUTIVE  
                         It's fine, John, I can cover the 
                         rest.  

                                     CHUCKIE  
                         That's right, you know.  
                              (turns to #1)  
                         He knows.  

               Chuckie stands up and takes the money.  

                                     CHUCKIE  
                              (to exec #1)  
                         You're suspect. I don't know what 
                         your reputation is, but after the 
                         shit you tried to pull today, you 
                         can bet I'll be looking into it. Any 
                         conversations you want to have with 
                         me heretofore, you can have with my 
                         attorney. Gentlemen, keep your ears 
                         to the grindstone.