Casual Conversation

Hey.

I am working nightshift since a few years and the place I work at has absolutely nothing to do for me at night. I also work alone.

I haven't even told my wife, friends or anyone this yet and I plan not to do so, cause it might be used against me if for any reason I lose friendship or if my wife breaks up with me for any reason in the future.

I do 1 hour of work. I prepare medication for the next day and clean the storage place for medication. After that I do nothing. I even bought a laptop where I use my hotspot (mobile) to play video games from 10 - 5.

I only play games if I can't sleep. I am not allowed to sleep, but I did it a few times already and no one noticed. My wife leaves for work when I get home, so I have breakfast with her and then I "lay down in bed" but when she is gone I get back up and go to the gym. I don't want her to know I am awake every morning.

I clean the house while she is at work, I go to gym, etc. and when she is home we do something together and she always says: "you don't have to clean after your nightshift, you need rest."

Well I don't. I rest enough...

I feel bad. Doing this since 4 years and don't know if I should tell anyone, but I figure I ask here first what your opinions on this is.

Is this somehow cheating? I feel like a cheater for not atleast telling this my wife, but imagine if we break up horrible for whatever reason in 10 years and she runs to my work place?

She knows I don't have to do too much so I just tell her I only need 4-5 hours sleep after my shift and that it's enough for me.

Edit:

I even have a different account on discord where I play with my "american friends" who are online while I am online at night. I don't want my friends to know, cause 1 of my friends is a friend of a coworker of mine who works dayshift. He shouldn't know about this.

So basically I have a kind of double life. The life and friends in day time and the friends I see if I can't sleep during my nightshift that I play with. My american friends know about this, but they have no idea where I live in europe. I told them england, cause it's the only country I can fake the language properly without accent cause I grew up in america.

I am probably putting too much energy in this but since a few years it's fine. I sometimes think I atleast should tell this my wife.

I also can't quit this job. It's really good paying (nightshift bonus) + I can do what I want. I love it...