UK Politics
General Discussion for politics in the UK.
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I briefly dated a man who often choked me, despite me explicitly asking him not to every time. He thought it's harmless and said he saw it "on TV". He never asked permission either. For me, it was uncomfortable and scary. I approve of the ban. It's scary how chocking is normalized when it's potentially very dangerous for a partner.
That is fucked up, but peoples individual/anecdotal experience is not what should drive lawmaking. If we banned everything that was ever done in a non consensual way, then sex would be illegal.
Says who? Certainly not the people who make laws.
Thats why i wrote "not what should" instead of "not what does". Politicians and lawmakers doing dumb things does not make them any less dumb.
Ah I see, so it's not a moral thing, just an I-don't-like-it thing.
Why do these comments always read the same? The same tone, the same flow of words and wording. This reads like a very short version of an "AMITAH" post.
No, you were assaulted
Saw it on tv... TV???? Not on the internet, or on a porno, but on the very outdated "on tv"? And choking is "harmless"??? Pressing X to doubt.
Back to the assault bit
No fucking shit!!!
Probably because they're written by a person who's suffered abuse. That kind of trauma leads to all sorts of artifacts in composition such as passive voice and downplaying the horror of the experience. How about we take a deep breath and don't fucking discect a SA survivors story.
I disagree with the ban but things like this do happen and it's more proof that comprehensive sex ed is more important than ever.
Yeah, but they all look the same... Its not that its off, its that its off in the exact same way that everyone else is off. Do you get me? Youre right, trauma can manifest in writing things out in weird bursts. Disjointed, weird syntax, etc etc. People usually point to being artistically powerful, rather than "weird". But its not uniform. Its not like someone experiences trauma and just starts typing this way.
Its like reading something written by AI. It looks fine, but then you start noticing that it uses the same way of writing everything. A pigeon will be inserted for some reason. An analogy or metaphor will involve "secrets". Once you see it, you cant unsee it. And its the same thing here. Ive seen this writing a million times all over reddit. And its always robotic and bullshit.
Um, not sure how things are on Lemmy, but I am not a robot and never meant to offend other people here. I'm only speaking from my own brief experience.
That guy was a sweetheart in other ways, but he was completely ignorant of the risks choking could impose. For him, consent on intimacy meant also consent on choking, since he considered it a part of it.
And yes, this was a major reason why this relationships lasted for a very short time. We spoke about it and I hope he understood the point. It was over a decade ago, and I always thought that the guy lacked education / understanding, not conscience.
Also, "on TV" obviously meant porn. I quoted the man.
You're perfectly fine. I recommend just blocking people like that. I'm still trying to learn to do so instead of arguing as it's certainly improved my experience so far.
My ex loved being choked and I didnt like doing it cause I was worried that I would hurt her. Maybe if I had watched more strangulation porn as a teen I would've been able to satisfy her and she wouldn't've left me.
Therefore based on my experience, I think all non-strangulation porn should be banned.
Permission is not something that's taken lightly with people who are actually into that sort of thing.
I'm guessing that guy was experimenting and didn't understand what he should be doing. I know, and have known many people into many kinks that are either bdsm or bdsm adjacent, and consent is paramount for everyone. The amount of trust you have to have in someone to be completely immobilized while they do what they want is immense, and cannot be taken lightly. This concept penetrates the groups of people who have those kinds of kinks.
At the very least, as soon as you said that you didn't want him to do it, it should have been completely stopped, that should have been the end of it. If he wants someone who will participate in those acts with him, then he can look elsewhere.
For all the people I know who are into bdsm, or into similar fetishes, I must condemn this kind of behavior. They would not approve, I do not approve, and anyone rational should also not approve of these actions.
You speak of this in the past tense, so I assume you left and hopefully found someone who respects your boundaries. I'm sorry that you went through that and I hope you're doing well.
I see what you mean. I've had partners who loved it. so it does have a place within consensual power games.
That said, seems like better education about consent and safety would be useful.
And you stayed to infuriate incels a bit while putting yourself in danger?