this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2025
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Just putting this out there - you don't have to make "family" holidays family holidays. There is nothing stopping you from just not hanging out with your family on Christmas if you don't want to. I haven't for years, and every year I celebrate Christmas with friends I like spending time with instead.
You can also opt out of any part of the holiday that you don't like. If, for example, you dislike the gift-giving of Christmas, you can simply inform everyone that you won't be participating, and tell them that if they need to give you a gift, then they can donate to a charity in your name. If someone still gets you a gift, return or pawn it, exchange store credit for regular money if necessary, and then donate that money to charity and explain what you did to the gift giver - which should put an end to their nonsense quite quickly.
Another thing you can do is minimize time spent with specific people. For example, if Uncle Todd won't shut the fuck up about the pedo lizard people, then you can meet up with your family for major parts of gatherings (eg, xmas dinner), but then make plans to spend time with the people you do like when there aren't other things planned. Eg, "Hey, we should go get the xmas tree together! But don't invite Todd - I don't wanna deal with his shit." An even better solution to this problem is to be direct: "Todd, shut the fuck up about the lizard people. No one cares and everyone finds it annoying. If you keep it up, I'm going to start actively excluding you from any plans I'm making."
Finally, it should be mentioned that even if you show up with the expectation that you are going to enjoy yourself, if you end up not enjoying yourself you can always just leave. Eg, if Todd ends up sitting next to you at xmas dinner, just cut off his lizard person rant and say "Hey everyone, sorry to cut things short, but I'm not feeling so great. Bye."
Remember: it's YOUR fucking life. Don't live it by other people's rules.
I always hate the entire Thanksgiving-xmas span of the year because it's very much advertised as a family time. I'm not saying I'm miserable going through life alone, but it does make me somewhat bitter that American culture shoves what I never had in my face annually
I'm sorry. That sucks.
Fortunately, life is what you make it, and the holiday season is just part of life.
It took me a while, but I found a group of friends who have similar values and (lack of) family situations to mine, and we often spend holidays together.
Local meetup groups were instrumental in bringing us together and solidifying those friendships. If you don't have a local meetup scene, you could try starting a group. Any town with more than a few hundred people is likely to have at least a few people who want to join your movie club, hiking group, or some other thing you enjoy.
If those things are not options for you, maybe you can find volunteer opportunities in your community. Shelters and soup kitchens almost always need extra help during the holiday season, and you might meet some new friends there, too.
There are a lot of ways to make meaning for yourself, and once you have some people in your corner, the annual messages from American culture will feel less pointed and a bit more bearable. (At least, that's been my experience.)
Appreciate the writeup, I hope it helps someone.
I do have a meaningful life, I just move to different cities and states often. In less than a year I'll be on a different continent, and I'll likely be moving after three years again
There are meetup groups in other countries, too. I'm currently in Colombia and I was kind of lost until I found a local board gaming group.