this post was submitted on 31 Oct 2025
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Help Others
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I don't mean specifically you here, but it is strange when people call me a valued part of this website when I do not value myself at all. Both on the website as well as in my own life. So many more people deserve so much more attention. That's why it feels like it's manipulation to me I had to be a people pleaser to deal with my psychopath mother and now as an adult anytime that I please people or start getting attention things feel wrong. It turns out that I actually do enjoy like pleasing people, but only when it's on my terms But I don't like getting anything in return for it because then it feels... I don't know. Maybe that's just insanely deep trauma that I need to unpack with a therapist that I also cannot afford. Who knows? The point being is that I genuinely can say that I could not care less about money right now and I just want a hug. I think I legitimately am going to go to a Tim Hortons tomorrow and just ask to hug the first friendly looking stranger I see.
And thank you for everything. I don't care if somebody donates money or not. That isn't what I'm thanking here. I'm just thanking people for actually caring about me when I couldn't care less about myself. It's a weird feeling. Not a bad one. Just really difficult to try and process.
Let me just break my habit of almost exclusively lurking on this site to say this:
I honestly understand how you feel, believe me, I've been there. I've had that feeling of self-hatred, of not being important (or at least assuming that I ain't), of being undeserving of love, affection or just help. Fuck all that. There will always be people that deserve attention more than you do, as there will always be people who suffer worse than you. That does not mean that anything you do or go through is invalid. That does not mean that you need to feel guilty when a community of, let's face it, mostly weirdos, cares about you. I do not know if this helps you, but this internet stranger values you. The number of days I've had in the last couple of months that have been significantly brightened by your memes (I do not care in the slightest of you just reposted them, that's how memes work) or silly voice recordings is staggering. Unfortunately, we are separated by thousands of miles and at least one ocean, or I would totally take you up on that hug.
Thank you... I just wish I had something better to say other than thank you. Or something better to do. I've been feeling at a loss for words all day which is saying something when I don't shut the fuck up normally. As for that ocean... unfortunately separates me from a whole lot of people. NFLD is great but isolating. Doesn't help the whole self isolation in my head too. I'm just being mopey at this point though, sorry
Hey man, I understand exactly how you feel. I've been through......a lot of dumb shit too that made me lose both my faith in humanity and in my self. And sometimes (a lot of the times) I felt I deserved it and needed to suffer through it as some sort of "punishment", I had a fucked up childhood. I don't have any money to donate because I'm broke as fuck too but I do have my well wishes, I know your name reliably showing up here, you're like half of the star trek community yourself lol. If you need someone to vent to without any judgement or anything, you got my ear, one stranger to another.
I appreciate it and might take you up on that sometime. Mostly because I'm just kind of lonely and don't talk to a whole lot of people in general despite all the shit I post lol but thank you. So much. I'm sorry you had to go through that too though. Not exactly something I'd wish on anyone...
Seems to be the general human condition nowadays unfortunately :/ Yeah shit sucks, sometimes a lot, sometimes more, but I try and make it suck less by sharing the burden with good friends and family and offering to do the same for others. A burden shared is a burden halved and all that
I just get stressy that I'm burdening people too much. I feel like I whine a lot. One reason why I send a lot of random funny shit to everyone too or be funny myself.