this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2025
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[–] RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com 23 points 6 days ago (3 children)

How do I acquire witch wife.

[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 21 points 6 days ago (3 children)

To attract a witch, work on yourself first:

  • Go barefoot when commuting
  • Fly a kite at night
  • Combine all your condiments into a single d20 die
  • Place lanyards on foxes and invite them into your workplace
  • Strike matches to punctuate your sentences
  • Sweep your cloak or cape magnanimously when greeting people
  • Give serious but subtle head nods to misbehaving children
  • Carve messages into stones and throw them into water fountains
  • Use an umbrella for everything except rain.

The witches will come.

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 7 points 6 days ago (1 children)

This all makes sense except for the condiments.

[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 2 points 6 days ago

if you've never played a spicy game of DnD, that's on you

[–] RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com 3 points 6 days ago

They'll come alright.

[–] Reverendender@sh.itjust.works 3 points 6 days ago

This looks like the technically correct method here.

[–] metallic_z3r0 6 points 6 days ago

While the other commenter's post seems valid, an alternative that worked for me was: 1) acquire wife, 2) give her the support and freedom in your personal journeys to become witches together, then (optional) 3) make spooky noises together.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 6 points 6 days ago

I found mine on the Internet