Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
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- Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
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This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.
Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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eh, I'm not going to lie, that sounds awful and I wouldn't wish that life on anyone. I spent a decade like that - cross-dressing in private and not socially or medically transitioning. I almost didn't survive it, and unfortunately that's not uncommon.
I have a trans girl friend IRL who was in her 40s when her egg cracked; she lost her marriage as a result of her transition, but is much happier now and in retrospect is glad she transitioned even though she lost her marriage.
Obviously I don't want to give the advice that trans people should always just disregard their family in favor of transition, because that doesn't seem right to me - but most of the time because the social situation views transition as immoral, as a matter of personal choice or lifestyle, and so on it's not viewed as a medical concern and isn't taken seriously, so people get stuck and they capitulate to their spouses and they don't transition. From a social perspective, this creates a situation where people are living in a repressed state, often with serious mental health issues, and this obviously increases risks of suicide, self harm, and drug abuse. So from a clinical and social perspective, there clearly needs to be some balance here, and trans people generally need to transition to avoid those harms, but that has to be done in a way that isn't unethical in the context of the family.
Sometimes this means the marriage has to end, though this is more common when the partner is straight. Luckily my partner was pansexual, and that's probably not that much of a coincidence if I'm being honest with myself. I've never been with a straight person, and that is some luck (or maybe it's a kind of selection).
Either way, I really feel for anyone in the position of choosing between transition and their family - and to be fully honest, I would have never transitioned if that were my situation. In the end, I only transitioned for my spouse, it was a bit of a reversal - my mental health issues were causing so much distress to my partner that I realized I have a duty to take care of myself so that I'm not a burden and not creating so much distress for those that care about me. In the end, I didn't transition for myself, but out of a sense of obligation or duty to be a better person to those in my life.
EDIT: looks like OP's wife is supportive, which is a huge relief and great news all around
I’m in a very similar boat where I’ve been struggling to understand the underlying source of my constant stress and temper. My wife had expressed that I was angry all the time for no reason and I’m coming to realize that I was angry at the fact that I lived in a world that is hostile to the very idea of my exploring my own identity beyond what was imprinted on me by society.
Just giving myself permission to say “I’m not a man” in front of people I trust and love has already caused me to let go of so much stress that my therapist noticed it the moment I walked in the door today.
She, by the way, is very supportive as well. She’s encouraging me to take things slow and really examine my feelings, especially since I also have a lot of trauma - CPTSD, childhood sexual assault, etc. - but was very clear that she supports me exploring and figuring out who I want to be for myself and not anyone else.
I mean yeah but
It's fine to think about what could have been but I'm not judging anyone for being happy with their status quo. What matters is that someone is happy and all things considered, that colleague feels so much better like this. (Also he cross-dresses in public and to work for some more context)