this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2025
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Think my egg cracked and I'm terrified. (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 6 days ago) by terreggfied@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Edit: Just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to all of the kind and informative responses I am getting here, and for all of the constructive discussion I see going on in this thread. You all are amazing. 💜

I’m 34, came from a conservative home that was in a Christian nationalist cult. The idea of homosexuality was an ultimate taboo, I didn’t even learn what “transgender” was until well after puberty, well after I’d casually had the thought to myself that being a woman wouldn’t be so bad. Well after I’d been chastised for playing dress up with my mother’s clothes despite the fact my brother never did.

Even when I did learn of the T in LGBT, I had so many excuses as to why that didn’t apply to me. I’m just overly imaginative. I just get along with some more naturally than men. I just see women as people and feel strongly about their issues because I’m a progressive egalitarian man.

Even when those excuses failed me, I told myself I was genderfluid, or nonbinary. And in many ways those both definitely apply to me still. I do not experience dysphoria existing as a man all the time.

But today I cracked. I messed around in faceapp and touched up a photo of a time id shaven and had my wife put makeup on me and I cracked. I cried. I let myself feel that deep sense of longing I’d always instinctually suppressed.

And then I realized I was well and truly fucked. I live in Oklahoma. I have a child. And I live under some of the worst conditions to be beginning a journey that is being persecuted more than ever….

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[–] vonbaronhans@midwest.social 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah. That's scary. I hope your wife is supportive, at least?

[–] terreggfied@lemmy.blahaj.zone 41 points 1 week ago (2 children)

My wife is so supportive I can’t even begin to go into all of it. I’ve told her about it and she says she’s here when I want to talk.

Her ex husband is ftm and he is actually our next door neighbor and handyman who has helped us out many times. She was with him when people still knew him by his deadname and now at least for out of towners he passes. So my wife has some experience in the area and I am incredibly grateful that she is supportive of me.

[–] vonbaronhans@midwest.social 16 points 1 week ago

That is nice. Even a small support system is something to cherish. I wish you the best of everything!

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

That's awesome and is a huge weight off your situation. Oftentimes an unsupportive partner is one of the most destructive things to transitioning, especially if you have kids