this post was submitted on 27 Oct 2025
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I need time to mull over my thoughts but I'm pretty well rooted.
I used to feel like more like this when I was in my early twenties. I simply do not recall things on the fly unless I am already in that thinking space overall.
There are also phases and external factors. Like when I am reading or trying really hard to learn something new, my mind tends to miss stupid obvious stuff in spelling and grammar. I used to let it bug me, but just don't care any more. All humans are a spectrum and anyone that expects perfection in all is a fool. To pretend I am not human has lost its impetus.
It was kinda funny the way I had painted cars for years and then stopped for a couple. When I went back to it, the skill was a bit awkward. I realized a lot about myself and skills during that process. In particular I had to learn about organizational efficiency and management from things I had taken for granted.
In the intermediate space I had worked heavy equipment, welding, and had done some really rough work. It was like the polar opposite of the persistent tedious finesse of painting cars. It took me a few months to really get in the swing of painting again, like working on a half dozen cars at once and overlapping the hundred steps of each so that mixing batches of materials works on all at the same times, but only in ways that are time efficient with the work times of certain materials.
Swapping skills like that is hard and reveals a lot about what you may actually remember. Like I am really good at Case controls on an excavator, Bob cats, front end loaders, and mig/tig/stick welding. I also do airbrush graphics, lettering, flame jobs, realistic style flames, old school flake, and candy (dye based colors). My favorites are understated ghost style stuff with unexpected complexity. I was also a buyer for a chain of bike shops, and do quite a few other niche skills. All of these take a bunch of time for me to think within each space and all the related details.
When I think back to my childhood, it feels like I do not have much I recall, but if I pick some specific even or time and just keep focusing on the time and place with peripheral events, I remember a ton of details in bits and pieces over the course of a few weeks.
I always have several threads of thought I am thinking about like this in concurrent memory. Like right now I'm primary wrapping my head around how to program a Z80 with a threaded interpreter I am yet to write. And comparing it to some 6502 stuff.
Just focus on it, and don't force yourself. You'll likely remember far more than you imagine. We're all a spectrum of possibilities where you do not have to be like anyone else. Just discover what works for you.