this post was submitted on 18 Oct 2025
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[CW: self harm][CW: suicidal thoughts] Loneliness (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by kiara@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Since the start of puberty I shut myself in my room, mostly only to come out for school/work and for visiting my father every second weekend because my parents are divorced.

A bit over two years ago I realized I was trans, but I could still live like that, being in my room most of the time. After starting HRT I began to feel lonely and feeling the need for friends, which I didn't feel before.

Now, at around three months after starting HRT I feel like I die if I continue to not have any social contacts and already harmed myself because of the loneliness. At least everyone who knows me is supportive and I managed to talk to my mother that we do more together like walking, but it didn't really help with the loneliness.

I have no idea how to make friends. I don't talk much, partly because I hate my voice, but also because it is difficult for me to find words and things to talk about and I can't say anything when I am in a group of more than a few people.

I don't really expect helpful advice here but anything would be appreciated. I mostly just wanted to write that all down.

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[–] IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Hi,

full disclosure, am cis middle aged man. IE another internet dad. maybe we should all get in contact and have a Kiara dad's BBQ before it get's cold.

However I did spend quite a lot of my life feeling isolated, sh, and suicidal. So while I cannot relate to your transness, I do feel most of what you said.

the whole "it get's better" is BS, it only get's better if you manage to change, even a bit. every bit counts. Friends wise, I am sure every person who will reply here is open for you to chat whenever you please (DM's open, but I am assuming you would much rather chat with a peer your age). I know "offering advice" to people in trouble is some neurotypical sin but that is BS as well and you explicitly asked for advice.

something that really helps is to find IRL communities. I do not mean go to school, or church (unless that is your thing), try to find communities that do things you want to do with what you like. and meeting in person does make a huge difference.

Have an interest in something specific? look for local groups that do that. The current state of affairs is putting you down (i mean, look around), check out local civil rights groups, grassroots political parties (joining a local socialist group has really helped me), clubs. Want to do a specific sport even though you are terrible at it, join a club, they love newcomers.

Also, keep in mind first meeting will be awkward, second as well, third maybe. just keep going until you skip the "new girl" faze. (but also keep an eye to red flags, maybe they are the ones who suck).

[–] kiara@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I was part of a local lgbt group that met regularly, but that group got its own problems, so meet ups only happen very seldom now. I'm thinking of joining the left party (Die Linke).

I did athletics like running and long jumping years ago and would like to start again, but clubs are mostly about competitions and I don't like to be in competitions.

[–] Eq0@literature.cafe 1 points 1 day ago

I found some local boardgames clubs and knitting clubs that are quite chill :) [and most people playing board games are either not neurotypical or introverted, so it’s a good place to start having minimal interaction]

On a similar note, being social is a skill we learn over time. Usually, while we are teenagers, we do a lot of social faux pas because we haven’t learned yet how to interact. Since you say you spend a lot of time in your room, it’s normal that it would take you a little training before becoming more of a social butterfly. Don’t be discouraged!

[–] gandalf_der_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

but clubs are mostly about competitions and I don’t like to be in competitions.

so true sister

we need more non-competitive sports clubs :D

[–] IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

join the socialists comrade 🫡

[–] kiara@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I did it

[–] IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Welcome to the good fight comrade

[–] nkat2112@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 weeks ago

Excellent points - thank you so much for sharing your much-needed wisdom!

And this was excellent and had me laughing:

maybe we should all get in contact and have a Kiara dad’s BBQ before it get’s cold.

Totally, yes!