this post was submitted on 30 Sep 2025
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Death Stranding. Ok not sure if that actually really changed my life, but it left me in a bit of a mixed emotional state.
See the thing is that I became a dad not that long ago and during the pregnancy and maybe a year or so after the birth of my kid I had this somewhat irrational fear of finding my kid just dead at some point in the crib or something like that. I fought past that fear eventually and the kid is now three and as healthy as one can be.
Then was it 2024 or something when the Director's Cut was released on Xbox. I never had a PlayStation (not for any other reason other than I just never happened to get one) so I was exicted to finally start playing this game I've heard so much about. I bought the game and played whenever I had time (if you have kids, you know how it can be) and loved the game, especially for the atmosphere and the sort of weird lore that was exciting to uncover for me.
Rest of the post contains spoilers
Then I got the the part where you have to cut the umbilical cord of Mama's BT baby.I wasn't prepared for that at all and it kinda just broke something in me. I had to stop playing and didn't play for like at least 6 months or so. It brought back too many of the feelings and fears I had previously gone through so I just needed to take a break. Like don't get me wrong, I actually DID like the scene for the beautiful moment it was and think it was amazing storywriting, it just caught me so off guard that I had to take a moment or ten.
After the break I kept going and the game still managed to keep me hooked and the story just kept getting better and better imo.
And then the ending.
I cried. A lot. I have never ever cried out loud to any piece of media, but I could literally feel Sam's emotions when he noticed that BB wasn't moving and was likely dead already. That was pretty much exactly the fear I had so you'll probably understand why it hit me so hard. And then when I hear that cry come from the game, the relief I felt was something I can't really describe well.
And after that I was sitting there in the living room, tears in my eyes, laugh-crying and just... wow. I don't know, if I'd played the game when it came out in 2019 before my kid was born and before the pregnancy and everything, I would've probably just thought it to be maybe a decent story and maybe tear up a bit at the end. But with all the other stuff that piled on before I got to play the game, it just added it's own effect to the experience. I really don't know if I can say that I was changed in any meaningful way, but I do kinda think that it might have at least helped me deal with the past fears a bit better so maybe in the future if I need to face them again, I can do it with more confidence.
One thing that I can say for sure at least is that I loved the game and I kinda wish I could play it again for the first time. The emotional roller coaster might've been a bit rough at times but damn it was a good one.