In my experience, dysphoric thoughts can be contagious in a way, a particular, dysphoric way of seeing can transmit to other dysphoric trans people who may have not have considered that way of seeing.
(I am of course not implying gender dysphoria is contagious, just that my experiences with dysphoria have in the past caused other dysphoric people to have worse dysphoria.)
So as a precaution, I'll put my cognitohazard dysphoria thoughts behind a spoiler.
dysphoric thoughts
Since vaginoplasty, my bottom dysphoria has been vastly improved - but I continue to feel remarkable "sameness" in my genitals, and that continues to be unsettling.
Even this week, twice when aroused my clit felt engorged, which I experienced as being erect, just as I was pre-op. Each time it creates a rising, panicky fear that I actually am erect down there, that I still have a penis.
Other times my labia can feel like a scrotum - they can kind of sag sometimes and look and feel like a scrotum (because that's what they are made of), and that can be unsettling, too. I used to have the worst feeling when I could feel my scrotum slap against my thigh, and sometimes my labia can almost reproduce that same "loose" feeling down below that I dread.
These feelings have improved somewhat over time, and it's only been three months since my surgery, so it's still recent-ish. I don't know how long these dysphoric feelings will continue, but I assume they will get better.
I guess I'm looking for reassurance, or at least someone else who has had similar experiences to chime in on theirs.
I feel like part of that "scrotum" feeling is phantom nerves because I used to get that feeling and it's basically gone after a few years.
The erect panic honestly Idk if I experienced it because it feels so much smaller/different/undetectable.
That's a relief - I swear it actually looks like a scrotum to me, too. It only occasionally feels loose and reminds me of a scrotum that way, most of the time that isn't the case. Either way, it's a relief to hear it goes away - thank you 💖
tmi / nsfw details
my penis was small before and often shrunk inside of me, so that adds to the "sameness" of it all - a lot of times it feels like my penis was just ... stapled into me or inside of me, if that makes sense - it feels like it's there still (and in a sense it is, really). I get this feeling especially when I twist my body while lying down - as I twist, the tissue is pulled taught in a way that highlights the phallus beneath.Also, while the glans is obviously smaller and physically hidden, because pre-op my penis usually was retracted and my glans was even sometimes hidden inside me, I guess I was used to this way of being with a penis. (To be honest, I didn't have that much bottom dysphoria - it was mostly an issue during sex, and I was able to adapt to it for the most part by just mildly dissociating and seeing my body as not mine, something I did a lot of the time anyway.)
As I felt extremely aroused and felt the clit engorge, it really reminds me of exactly what it was like to have an erection - it feels erect, and it's shocking to me that my partner doesn't even report the clit hardening or noticeably changing for her.
ah I understand now it's like if you flex the muscles down around there it does have that sensation of "hardening/shifting " even though ngl my clit never feels hard like a penis had or perhaps I've forgotten it properly. But based your experience I could see how that would feel similar. I'm not sure what to recommend since even after years I didn't shrink much
yeah, it's not that it actually feels big to my fingers or anything - there is no actual physical erection happening, but the sensations in the clit itself remind me so much of an erection I get afraid it somehow is becoming an actual erection anyway, it's like a paranoia almost