If you find one, you find a group cos like attracts attracts like.
this post was submitted on 07 Sep 2025
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Witches VS Patriarchy
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It bothers me that anyone pointing to the majority of men who are not rapists, is getting branded as a rape apologist.
As a guy, I can say with certainty that I've never been involved in, nor known about anyone who was the perpetrator of rape.
I firmly believe that the perpetrators, specifically the male perpetrators of rape, if they tell anyone, they say it as a regular sexual encounter. Ladies, we don't go into details taking about who did what in the bedroom. The most I've ever heard from any guy about their sexual exploits, is that they happened "I banged her" (or similar), and sometimes a quip about the experience or the person, eg: "it was great" or "she's a freak (in bed)" or similar.
The reason we don't know that the people we know are rapists, is because they're not coming out and telling us about it. I promise, if they did, they wouldn't be free for long. They'd either end up in jail, or beaten bloody by the majority of us (or worse).
Generally we just don't say much about what happens in the bedroom, to eachother.
Agreed.
I am a man and I am a victim of repeated child sexual abuse. It has broken me forever. While I don't feel comfortable explaining what effects it had on me, let's say that I'll never be a normal functioning person because of what was done to me.
To what you said I would like to add that some of us are victims too and being generalized and then labeled as rapists or apologists is so fucking triggering, it's actually madening. The idea of being associated with my perpetrator is intolerable.
I get it that sexual misconducts are more prevalent in men, but something like 1 in 6 boys will experience some sort of sexual abuse. That is a shitton of victims being labeled as rapist apologists.
Anyways, like you, I think we can have this discussion without aggressively accusing all members of a given gender.
Especially lately with all the Epstein stuff being discussed, I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling trapped in a constant spiral of flashbacks and stuck in a non-stop dissociated state especially that there is no accountability in sight.
In any cases, let's have compassion for all the victims no matter their gender or sex and let's focus our anger toward the abusers.
I don't think it's possible for me to agree with you more.
I will only add the I empathize with you and all of the other victims regardless of gender. Please know that you are valued for who you are, not what has happened to you.
Be well.
Yeah, the notion that any man is ever informing anyone he knows that he imposed his sexual will on a woman without her consent, is patently absurd.
It bothers me that anyone has ould bother to point out not all men are rapists. We aren't talking about or to you. Why do you feel the need to say something that everyone knows?
Its because on some level, these people know that people like them have done bad shit and they want to defend themselves.
It ain't about you dickhead.
But it is. Because I see time and time again in the comments here that if I'm male, I'm either an apologist, or a rapist. This thread has disenfranchised an entire gender.
I have all the empathy in the world for victims. I am not one of them, nor am I a perpetrator. I would, quite readily, turn in any person I know if they were a self admitted rapist. Moreover, I would entrap them by recording their confession, and submit it as evidence against them.
I don't wish to diminish the point made in the OP, it's important to recognize the victims of rape. The fact is, the perpetrators are not exactly bragging about raping someone, so they don't exactly stand out. If they did, they wouldn't remain a free person.
I get the point in the OP, but the comments here have been extremely toxic, branding every man who replies as either a rapist or an apologist.
It's disgusting that someone would regard an entire gender as one, or the other. Many of us don't know if we even know anyone who has committed the crime, and never thought about it beyond the fact that it's a bad thing to happen... These bystanders are now apologists?
Your victim complex is massive my guy. The reason people shit on you for saying this is because the act of saying it implies it needs to be said. You don't even read your criticism but you assume it isn't constructive because you imagine it isn't.
Once again because obviously you don't like reading: It does not fucking matter if most men aren't rapists when overwhelmingly most rapists are men and most men do not challenge rape culture. That does make most men dangerous for women. Reconcile that with your experiences.
Right now, you are an example of how men make themselves a problem by not even considering they're wrong because they're insecure about being a man. Nobody is fucking saying men don't get victimized, they are correctly identifying that nearly 100% of cases of sexual violence is directed at women and the vast majority of men are complacent in a culture that perpetuates that violence. Making it about you because you don't like the association of manhood with sexual violence is in fact detrimental to discourses that seek to acknowledge sexual violence at all.
You DENSE mother fucker.
How can you unironically write this while calling anyone else dense? This is equivalent to arguing that all fruits are apples, because all apples are fruits.
Do you sink in mercury?
That's a lie, though. You're lying. Your deep sexism against men has led you to assume a total lack of humanity and empathy in half of the world's population. You've dehumanized them so profoundly that the very act of a male contradicting your prejudice infuriates you enough to double down while calling him a "DENSE mother fucker".
For shame.
Then stop saying all men are rapists. Stop treating men like theyre all rapists. Stop implying that if I knew my friend was a rapist, he would still be breathing.
I hate rapists as much as everyone else, so why is it constantly being portrayed as though I'm evil and deserve to be treated as a danger just because im a guy?
This sign exclusively implies that men cover for other men. I do not and would not cover for a rapist. Theres a valid point to be made about men and rape, and this sign completely misses it.
No one but you has brought to this conversation the concept that "All men are rapists" and it's confounding that you don't understand how much of a stereotype you're being coming into a women's space to shout "not all men".
It's also a complete misunderstanding of the point women are making there. We don't believe that every single man is a rapist. Society has this regressive belief that a rapist is always going to be a nasty, creepy, criminal, awful man and that it would be completely obvious to any bystander that there's something wrong with this dude and to stay away. But that just isn't the case. So, it's a warning to women that any man could be a rapist. Even if they're a respected member of their community, a judge, a politician, a movie producer, etc.
The other thing is the sign is using the word rapist here, but there are also many, many, many other forms of sexual assault, abuse and harassment and I can almost guarantee that you and most men have excused something in the past. My state actually made an amazing PSA about this a few years back now. Because there are so many acts that make women scared, or uncomfortable, that so many men just pretend doesn't happen.
I'd also like to point out that it's super ironic that you don't seem to understand the fallacy of your own hubris. You've walked into an explicitly women's space, to yell at women, about how it's "Not All Men", without consent. Maybe you and the other men in this thread should sit with that for a bit?
You realize the image implies men covering up for other men right?
Do you think men just talk to each other about all the felonies they committed?
No.
We already know the truth about this guy. Just block him.
Can you please explain your chain of logic here?
You didn't have to tell us you are a man, it was obvious. What you just did is provide a great example of why we need better education on gender based and sexual violence.
Firstly, there is almost a complete certainty that you know a rapist and may even be friendly with one. The overwhelming majority of sexual violence perpetrators are men and that violence is facilitated through the nuclear family model and social ostricization of men who challenge rape culture.
I have had multiple women in different generations of my family disclose sexual violence from men beloved by dozens of people who were none the wiser. I have sat at tables where men make jokes about getting women drunk on purpose like it doesn't reflect lived experiences only for other men to laugh along enthusiastically or nervously. I have been in classes where men discuss harassing women in the workplace without it being challenged. I could not name the amount of friends I've lost when I challenge them on their views, all of them have been men. Every one of those personal experiences reflects statistical data we have on sexual violence rates and rape culture reproduction.
You seem to have this fantasy that rapists are men who jump out of the darkness to prey on strangers, but they're your friends and family who prey on those you know. They do talk about it, all the time. Whether they're talking about the act of rape or why rape is okay, they talk about it. You cannot insulate yourself from this culture without abandoning the responsibility to challenge it.
When you say shit like, "not all men," you're admitting to an insecurity you have about the potential injustice of rape accusations and the association between manhood and sexual violence. Too bad, you're in it and have to choose to challenge it or continue to participate through inaction. The fear of false rape accusations is almost completely unfounded in a world where women face consequences for reporting and convictions of sexual assault are so difficult to get. False convictions are so statistically rare and acting like they arent shows that you value your comfort more than believing victims. Men are the vast majority of rapists and most women have experienced gender based or sexual violence at one point in their lives. As long as they exist in a culture where that violence will most likely come from men and most men do not challenge it, manhood will be associated with sexual violence. When you say that if a cartoon rapist should ever appear you'll give'em a wollop, you're subscribing to an imagination of sexual violence that obscures the reality of its frequency and potential vectors. You're telling the women around you that you do not care about what they experience and only think of rape as a vector for you to fulfill the masculine fantasy of violently punishing a rapist to protect the poor, helpless women.
This is all of course ignoring your fundamental misunderstanding of what rape is when you discuss it as though it's a form of sex. There is no discussion to be had about whether men kiss and tell about rape because rape is not sex. It is about violence and power. It happens at high rates in highly patriarchal societies exactly because of the brutal hierarchy of power that must be maintained for that patriarchy to exist.
I don't care if most men don't rape, most rapists are men and the greatest resistance we get to challenging rape culture is from men. If that bothers you, learn.
Congratulations! You just alienated a fuckton of potential allies with that speech. No, most of us don't feel any kind of group obligation. As a matter of fact, we are sick and tired of being told by society "fix this, fix that".
So now, most of us are a sort of zen nihilist. We give a shit, sometimes.
Username suggests this is satirical but comment history is inconsistent with that theme.
Just in case: "Alienating" people who are already not interested enough to change isn't a loss. You don't focus on reaching those people, you make them too uncomfortable to be vocal. It's why eco activists don't give a shit if a boomer is mad about them blocking traffic, their goal is to make sure the boomer can't drive home in comfort. Comfortable people are the lifeblood of this system.
The rest I don't think people will care about enough to respond to like, yeah conservative and liberal men are caged by individualism we all know that already and they never shut up about it.
Edit: i regret not making a joke about the one guy who was about to become a feminist sex-activist and assassinate Donald Trump but saw the meanie queer online say that men need to be better and then he just gave it all up and signed up for rape school.
My experience tells me arguing here isn't worth it.
Now THAT seems satirical, only a fool would think internet arguments aren't productive..
You are throwing stray shots, alienating everyone of a certain gender by essentially accusing them of being tolerant of rapists. Also going out of your way to cast as large of a net as possible, by making a vague statement about violence being rape.
The people who are reading this are strangers, and not buddy bud with you. They have their job, their responsibilities, their own worries.
Either you are unreasonable on purpose, or baiting. Either way, it's not worth it for me to argue when I have my own worries and male SH to deal with in the morning.
It's not worth it.
Times like this, remind me of the boy who cried wolf.
Oh no, a potential feminist sex-activist saw the meanie queer online and will no longer assassinate Donald Trump. Why did I have to be such a meanie oooh the hubris and righteous fury!!
Edit: lookit that i got to make the joke. Seriously though, this makes men sound more fragile than I ever presented them.
congrats on not reading their comment
You guys hate it when people can read you beyond your control.
Edit: people can see who you are even if you don't want them to. Many of you are too uncritical about your values to hide them so you say them plain without even realizing.
You haven't read me at all. I stopped reading your reply when you started making false assumptions about me, on opinions and subjects I didn't even mention.
You need to assume less and listen more.
Given your propensity to defend the victims of rape, I would hope you at least listen to them rather than make wild assumptions about their lived experiences.
Do not presume to know me. Do not put words in my mouth.
tldr