this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2025
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Lifts-Her-Tail
Certainly not, kind sir! I am here but to clean your chambers.
Crantius Colto
Is that all you have come here for, little one? My chambers?
Lifts-Her-Tail
I have no idea what it is you imply, master. I am but a poor Argonian maid.
Crantius Colto
So you are, my dumpling. And a good one at that. Such strong legs and shapely tail.
Lifts-Her-Tail
You embarrass me, sir!
Crantius Colto
Fear not. You are safe here with me.
Lifts-Her-Tail
I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!
Crantius Colto
Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear.
Lifts-Her-Tail
But it is huge! It could take me all night!
Crantius Colto
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
Lifts-Her-Tail
My goodness, that’s quite a loaf! But how ever shall it fit my oven?
Crantius Colto
This loaf isn’t ready for baking, my sweet. It has yet to rise.
Lifts-Her-Tail
If only we could hurry that along. How would I accomplish such a task?
Crantius Colto
Oh, my foolish little Argonian maid, you must use your hands.
Lifts-Her-Tail
You wish me to kneed the loaf? Here?
Crantius Colto
Of course.
Lifts-Her-Tail
But what if the mistress catches me? Your loaf was meant to satisfy her appetite.
Crantius Colto
Don’t fret, my delicate flower. I’ll satisfy the mistress’s cravings later.
Lifts-Her-Tail
Very well, but I’m afraid my oven isn’t hot enough. It could take hours!
Crantius Colto
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
dafug did I just read ??????????
The Lusty Argonian Maid. Smut books found in the game Skyrim.
It predates Skyrim. You have to interact with the author in Morrowind and shockingly the dude's a rapist
Damn. I don’t remember that, but it’s been a long time since I’ve played Morrowind.
Yeah they're written by Crassius Curio (totally not self inserting themselves as Crantius Colto). Take a look at the dialogue section: https://en.m.uesp.net/wiki/Morrowind:Crassius_Curio
It's openly known in house Hlaalu, too. Other members warn you but turn their heads to it.
Edit to add: Argonians in Morrowind are mostly slaves. This guy is likely fantasizing about being a slave owner and taking advantage of an argonian slave
That really changes the visuals now doesn’t it?
An excerpt from The Lusty Argonian Maid.
One of the finest pieces of literature to ever come from Bethesda Softworks.