this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2025
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If you've met a nerdy type and you think they aren't kinky in some way, it's because they've mastered masking in front of the normies. It's an essential life skill. I don't know a single kinky person who isn't a nerd or a geek, and vice versa. Full credit to this guy for living life out loud. Wish being kinky wasn't an opportunity for public shaming, but it is how it is.
While there is undeniably large crossover, I also know a several of ace people, who are all very nerdy.
And like, for me, I mean this with zero judgement, I think kink is gross. People can and should live their lives 'out loud', and I think there is nothing wrong with kink. But also, I'd prefer not to hear about it, or to know specifics
To be fair, one can't assume that a person has no kink type interests just on account of being ace, because there is some some overlap even there, but yeah, the way it's phrased that commenters anecdote would better support the notion that kinky people tend to be nerds, than that nerds tend to be into kink.
Yeah, he shouldn't have to make it literally impossible to track down his fetish content starting with his real name, but his co-workers also shouldn't be exposed to his fetishes if they simply look up his name online. It's like the difference between someone hiding in the bushes and peeking into his window, and someone who can see him from the street because he didn't close his blinds. Closing the blinds is the professional thing to do.
If his coworkers find his shit and click past an nsfw warning, that’s more like someone peeking thru bushes or something in your simile imo. Bro shouldn’t have to sanitize what he does on his own time on the chance a job looks at it unless he’s a teacher or some shit
You were doing so good until the last sentence.
The requirement that teachers be puritanical saints outside of school is just as toxic.
I normally agree with this 100% but for kink and sex stuff I really don’t see a positive outcome from kids being able to easily track down porn of their teacher. This isn’t like a firmly-held fact-based opinion or anything, so I’d change it in the face of any actual evidence, but I just remember what kids were like in high school and hot damn that would not go over well.
Why not teachers? I hear kink puts a lot of focus on consent, and kids really need to learn about that right now.
Is looking up one's coworkers names a professional thing to do? Im not very good with social etiquette Ill admit but I would feel like I was being rudely invasive if I were to do that.
It also feels to me like one shouldnt have to be professional outside of working hours, and since social medias arent a part of most people's jobs nor something one is expected to use at work, except for jobs specifically focusing on it, a social media page should be considered an unprofessional space, but maybe that's just me.
I've looked up my coworkers' names to find their resume or projects that they have uploaded, and I would look up job applicants to see if they really did the things they claimed to have done. If I went further than that and, for example, searched for their usernames or email addresses to see if they reused those anywhere spicy then I would be rude and creepy but the fact of the matter is that your name is not a secret. People can easily see anything associated with it online so if you're doing something you wouldn't do in public then you should use a pseudonym. (That's why I think laws that threaten online anonymity are so problematic.)
It's not that I think online stuff isn't public or isn't that easy to find, is more that it feels like a different context than the context of one's job, for most jobs anyway, and so to me at least, even if one sees it, if feels unprofessional to me to care about finding something as mundane as sexual stuff. Isn't like it's a sign of hurting people or something. I do prefer to use a pseudonym, sure, but for reasons unrelated to professionalism. Granted, my line of work isn't one where an individual's personal projects would be very relevant, so perhaps the idea of searching up one's coworkers feels more strange to me than it would for someone in like software or something.
illegal
Not illegal
Edit: I fucking hate the formatting syntax in this app
This is irrelevant to the actual situation I was providing a metaphor for, but I think engaging in sex acts while clearly visible from the street is also illegal even if you're in your own house.
I think closing the blinds is the wrong analogy here, since you're not really supposed to look through people's windows for more than a second without being creepy.
Showing it off in front of you when you knock on their door fits much better imo.
There's a line. I used to work with an old gay dude who would go around the office showing us unsolicited pictures of him and his boyfriend in their bondage getups. I don't have a problem with what he did in his personal life but I did not want to see that shit. He actually got offended at me when I told him to fuck off and I was like be glad I don't want to get you fired or I'd be on the phone with HR right now...
If I had googled his name and ran across his blog or something that would be on me but don't shove borderline explicit pictures in my face when I'm working.
i've known plenty of kinky people who were normie af and looked down on nerd/geek stuff as childish and stupid.
Hi. Ace and sex-repulsed person with hundreds of board games here.
Occasionally I’m partial to gently holding my wife’s hand.
I normally have to open my VPN to read such smut
Of course, it’s in private, and in a pitch-black room where no one can see, and only for a moment or two. Afterward, I say “thank you,” and she says the same. Then we go to our separate beds on separate floors of the house to sleep. She’s on the first floor and I’m on the third. Don’t want anyone to accuse us of impropriety.
Do you live in the UK?
I do. Can't complain
... cause it's illegal ;)
ooh, be careful. That sounds like a public display of affection. You'd get sent up the principal's office at my high school.
(why yes, my autistic ass took decades before I became comfortable breaking that ingrained rule, even after graduation. Thanks, Kentucky.)
My high school in rural Kentucky was like this as well. Meanwhile nearly 1/10th of the female students were pregnant and the biology teacher was fucking students in the lab supplies closet. Hopefully not related, but given the way these things are talked about only through euphemism, who knows?
The sex education we received was the type where they just show you a bunch of gross pictures of STDs and tell you abstinence is the only guaranteed way of avoiding them.
Did you have the plastic babies to take home and "care for" to scare you out of teen pregnancy? They had a key that you stabbed into the back of the baby and twisted, so they would stop crying.
Lmao no they gave us bags of flour that we were supposed to carry around and pretend was a baby. The metric for success was if we managed not to bust it open and spill flour everywhere.
I would go the opposite route.
Got a BBQ? Return the bag of flower as a literal pile of ash.
"I...umm....really don't think I'm fit for parenthood..."
PSA: Careful, doing this IRL. It might explode. I would get nervous heating a whole bag of flour on a BBQ. Seems like maybe an explosion risk? Or perhaps I'm just being paranoid.
Flour is absolutely an explodey risk. The factories are prone to it. It's a lot of dust in the air, goes boom easy, like creamer and such.
Loose flour in the air is a fire risk. A bag of flour on a grill is not. (It will burn but in a boring way)
Even at 40, people are still being weird to me. I was playing some late-night cribbage in a queer bar in town, just like how I go there every week to play cribbage or hive or chess or go and such; this woman my age was being super flirty with me and wouldn’t stop despite the fact I wasn’t reciprocating the flirts, but that I was still being friendly cause I liked playing bar games with her. Told her I had a go board in my car, she was interested, and she came with to my car to go get the stuff. Once I left the bar, I told her, “fuuuck, it’s like I’m the only sex-repulsed person in the bar, and no one respects it in there, but thanks for being someone I can confide to out here.” Her flirtiness dried up almost immediately, and she insisted that she wasn’t flirting with me for the couple hours prior, like she was trying to edit the past.
I’m not young anymore, why does this sort of stuff keep happening? I don’t get it.
It sounds like she was following your lead. You pretended out of politeness that she hadn't been the one flirting with you, so she thought she was being polite by doing the same. Or she was embarassed.
Lots of people are oblivious and don't realize when someone's flirting, so she might have assumed that's why you weren't reciprocating. There's no way she could have known you were repulsed by sex until you told her, and when you did she stopped flirting. I get that you're bothered by people flirting with you, but there isn't anything weird or rude about her behavior. Just a bit of unavoidable awkwardness that comes with socializing.
I mean, my color scheme for every outfit I have is purple, black, gray, and white, so I’m literally a walking ace flag. And she’s in a queer bar, so I would hope she knows at least a couple of flags.
LGBTQA+ people can be tunnel-visioned about their "flavor" of queer. I was once told by a lesbian that of course I wouldn't know about a specific Boston queer housing mailing list---I have a boyfriend.
Never mind I'm ace, non-binary, and polyamorous [which may or may not be queer, but is at least queer adjacent]. Like, yeah. I'm not LG. I can still be BTQA+.
Yes. I really struggle with some queer folks because they just... refuse to realize other people aren't like them. Then they go on rants against cishet people for doing the same thing, but hey if they do it it's totally cool! It's insanely hypocritical.
because people don't care about reality. they care about the fiction they are writing in their head.
I read somewhere that the most intimate HP Lovecraft would get with his partner was gently tugging her finger and uttering a little, 'oomph'.
"Look, if I wanted to get screwed I've got In the Year of the Dragon right over there."
Gentle affection? That’s pretty kinky!
I mean, I’m trans, so that means that (despite being tied for the least perverted person ever) I’m terrified of ever being seen as a pervert.
At least my name isn’t in the Epstein files; can’t say that for other people.
Ah yeah, the usual bullshit anti-trans propaganda, where accusations so frequently end up being admissions. I'm sorry you have to live through all that nonsense.
Absolute filth.
I'm against kink shaming, but will have to do an exception
Sadly the guy’s kink is poverty.
He gets off on being turned down for jobs... Vicious cycle.
I want to personally believe in this stereotype.
raises hand and cackles