this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2025
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[–] cjoll4@lemmy.world 164 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (5 children)

Matt said: “It was a very embarrassing accident. One of the issues with being so large, especially in hot water showers, is that it’s not exactly easy to see my feet.

“Especially when I move too fast, it can definitely mess with my balance, too. As I was rushing to get ready for work, I didn’t see the excess shower gel in the tub because my penis was the only thing in my eye line.

Right, because a fifteen-inch penis is totally going to obstruct your view of both feet and everything else below your waistline, and your dick is totally the reason you clumsily slipped. And you totally aren't looking for every possible excuse to turn any event of your life into another opportunity to brag about your massive, record-breaking schlong.

🙄

[–] ParadoxSeahorse@lemmy.world 0 points 5 hours ago

“Especially when I move too fast, it can definitely mess with my balance, too.As I was rushing to get ready for work, I didn’t see the excess shower gel in the tub because my penis was the only thing in my eye line.

“I slipped on it, causing me to fall out of the tub completely head first and crack my shoulder on the hard floor.I got two fractures as a result.”

Sounds like he slipped on his penis

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemmy.zip 17 points 1 day ago (2 children)

He just likes to brag & isn't evolved enough to have a detachable penis.

[–] cjoll4@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I don't even have to clock the link, and King Missile is now playing the hits in my head. 🤘🏼

edit: leaving it, as-is

[–] ImADifferentBird@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Anyone can acquire an enormous penis & just have it on display somewhere to soothe your day.

[–] Heikki2@lemmy.world 34 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago (3 children)

While I appreciate the link, I am absolutely not having that in my watch history. I really don't want recommendations based on…whatever that is

[–] Heikki2@lemmy.world 1 points 3 hours ago

He just described the bulge he sees and then tries to play it off like he wasn't staring at it. He says dick a bunch, and I think 1 fuck

[–] tedd_deireadh@lemmy.world 21 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Oh, c'mon! Where's your sense of adventure?

[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It died when my bones started to creak

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Feels like it sometimes, ngl

Old age is probably worse, but middle age sucks

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 hour ago

Not a very obfuscating username, Mr. Jackson. 🙇🏼‍♂️

[–] PhoreTwunny@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

Yeah Tom Segura, yuck

[–] tisktisk@piefed.social 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It takes one to know one, and buddy...you're not that guy

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 day ago

Thankfully, neither am I. 😅😶

[–] EvilEdgelord@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 day ago

That sounds suspiciously jealous 😏