this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2025
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Off My Chest

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No matter how hard I try, I just can't make my family understand I can't afford their lifestyle when I visit (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 days ago by spirinolas@lemmy.world to c/goodoffmychest@lemmy.world
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I live in a poorer country where I live with less than 10k a year. It's low but since my country is generally less expensive I can live (and vacation) there with some comfort as long as I don't go crazy. I'm a frugal person so I don't miss out on anything.

My sister and brother-in-law went to live in Europe and they are doing very well. Together they easily make 200k. I'm happy for them.

The problem starts when I visit. The country they live in is far more expensive than mine. It isn't always a problem since I don't have to pay for accommodation and cooking at home is sustainable. The problem is they always want to eat out and do expensive activities (for my standards). And they always leave out the price until it's time to pay since the price is meaningless for them. At first they would chip in until my brother-in-law started pulling "it's your turn to pay now". Imagine being given a dinner tab that is almost as much as your monthly paycheck.

Visiting has become stressing as hell, when I should be relaxing. I tried to talk about it, that eating at home would be more affordable for me, but they quickly go back to old habits. At this point I just decided it's not worth it to visit anymore and blow my year savings in a few days. They're not happy and, as much as I try, I can't make them understand how much money I make. They can't understand you can't buy 100 euro meals everyday when you earn less than a 200 a week.

It's also not much better when they visit our country but at least I know what prices to expect and since I'm home I can find an excuse to ditch them.

Maybe we have just grown appart and that's that.

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[–] hovercat@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 2 days ago

Yeah, and I regularly do. I have a friend who I'd say has a similar income disparity, and unfortunately has had issues with being unhoused in the past.

Someone you can't do anything with that requires spending money in any way

You can still do stuff, you just pay for the friend if you're inviting them out. I understand if you're also broke, but that's not what we're talking about.

OP makes it pretty clear that they could afford to pay for them but choose not to. If you say "Well maybe they're not actually that wealthy" then fine, they should pick somewhere less expensive that they can cover.