Off My Chest

1403 readers

5 users here now

RULES:

I am looking for mods!

1. The "good" part of our community means we are pro-empathy and anti-harassment. However, we don't intend to make this a "safe space" where everyone has to be a saint. Sh*t happens, and life is messy. That's why we get things off our chests.

2. Bigotry is not allowed. That includes racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, and religiophobia. (If you want to vent about religion, that's fine; but religion is not inherently evil.)

3. Frustrated, venting, or angry posts are still welcome.

4. Posts and comments that bait, threaten, or incite harassment are not allowed.

5. If anyone offers mental, medical, or professional advice here, please remember to take it with a grain of salt. Seek out real professionals if needed.

6. Please put NSFW behind NSFW tags.

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

orphiebaby@lemmy.world

orphiebaby@lemm.ee

themeatbridge@lemmy.world

106

No matter how hard I try, I just can't make my family understand I can't afford their lifestyle when I visit (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 days ago by spirinolas@lemmy.world to c/goodoffmychest@lemmy.world

59 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I live in a poorer country where I live with less than 10k a year. It's low but since my country is generally less expensive I can live (and vacation) there with some comfort as long as I don't go crazy. I'm a frugal person so I don't miss out on anything.

My sister and brother-in-law went to live in Europe and they are doing very well. Together they easily make 200k. I'm happy for them.

The problem starts when I visit. The country they live in is far more expensive than mine. It isn't always a problem since I don't have to pay for accommodation and cooking at home is sustainable. The problem is they always want to eat out and do expensive activities (for my standards). And they always leave out the price until it's time to pay since the price is meaningless for them. At first they would chip in until my brother-in-law started pulling "it's your turn to pay now". Imagine being given a dinner tab that is almost as much as your monthly paycheck.

Visiting has become stressing as hell, when I should be relaxing. I tried to talk about it, that eating at home would be more affordable for me, but they quickly go back to old habits. At this point I just decided it's not worth it to visit anymore and blow my year savings in a few days. They're not happy and, as much as I try, I can't make them understand how much money I make. They can't understand you can't buy 100 euro meals everyday when you earn less than a 200 a week.

It's also not much better when they visit our country but at least I know what prices to expect and since I'm home I can find an excuse to ditch them.

Maybe we have just grown appart and that's that.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] adry@piefed.social 2 points 2 days ago

I understand it. I have emigrated like your sister, only that my relationship with money is not the standard. Given the terrible inflation, I was used to live without any savings... I was making 500 USD per month, and spending everything. Some (poorer) friends perhaps only liked me because of that. I think it's not like I was buying their love or anything.. just didn't mind. Tried to be quite stoic/ anarchist about it. But then, that's me.

The standard (capitalist) way to go about money is that it's yours as your soul. It's an essence. You don't share. Unless when you do a gift (e.g. birthdays)... And, even couples split tabs. Also, the standard (patriarchal) way about money is that Males pay. So your brother in law is just spitting the misery cassette.

We (commentators) can blame all we want on this people. It won't make OP feel any better.

OP: I think that a difficult talk with your sister and/or brother in law is due. Perhaps even a letter (you can also ask someone else to proofread/ help). Tell them how you feel... That way, they'll know why you are not visiting so often. If they are really shitty about it and get mad or anything else other than comprehend, then that's onto them.

PS. Do they have kids? I am an uncle, and my niece is in another country. But thankfully, since I emigrated, I have a not-so-dissimilar salary to my brother so I can plan holidays together... I'm actually looking forward to that. It will be our first.