Off My Chest
RULES:
I am looking for mods!
1. The "good" part of our community means we are pro-empathy and anti-harassment. However, we don't intend to make this a "safe space" where everyone has to be a saint. Sh*t happens, and life is messy. That's why we get things off our chests.
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3. Frustrated, venting, or angry posts are still welcome.
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5. If anyone offers mental, medical, or professional advice here, please remember to take it with a grain of salt. Seek out real professionals if needed.
6. Please put NSFW behind NSFW tags.
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Just gonna point out the obvious - your sister and brother in law are incredibly inconsiderate.
They are inconsiderate yes. If I want to do something with friends/family who cannot afford it, I either pay for them or do something different that’s within their price range.
Yes - to some extend. But beyond that you wouldn't. Which doesn't make you a bad person. It's normal human behavior to only hang around with people you have enough in common with. A different socioeconomic status is just one example of many, you can swap it with other things like political stance, religious beliefs, health and so on. If the difference is too big then there is nothing anyone can do about it aside from going their own ways. Which is better than having endless conflicts, don't you think?
I don’t disagree with you, but what you’re saying isn’t what happens here (if I understand OP correctly). OPs family want to do all the fun and expensive things but won’t accept that OP cannot afford that.
If they won't accept that then OP can't do anything else than moving on. I had to do that too with friends and relatives from higher socioeconomic classes. It's not possible to make people understand something they are unable or unwilling to understand. It's not possible to force people to have something in common with you. And that's okay. That's life.
Sure, I hang out with broke ass bums quite often, I like people for who they are - Not how much they make or inherited.
We go for walks, go to free museums, visits historical sites and so on. Once in a while we just sit and talk.
If we go to a cafe and they're low on funds, we'll either order something we both can afford or I offer to treat them.
I'm happy to share of my fortune as long as I don't feel I'm being exploited. Every so often, when I'm extra fortunate I treat a dear friend in a perpetual unfortunate situation to a free vacation.
Feels good man
Lol, wtf is this comment? If my family were visiting me, my intention is to be enjoying time with them, not worrying about the "reduced list of activities". I'd do whatever even if they were absolutely penniless.
So yes, they're inconsiderate. And so are you.
Not sure what has you unable and unwilling to believe that 1) people exist that think differently from you and 2) people can and do have fun without money, but I hope you're at some point able to add some sympathy along with a less insular understanding of others to your world view.
You're only betraying your own truth here. If your own blood were penniless and you were in a financially advantageous position, you'd shun them like lepers. It's pretty disgusting. People like you should be kept far away from anyone in a financially vulnerable situation.
Please ignore him. His one of those joker/dr house/briliant_asshole_stock_character guys who think that being asshole is the sign of intelligence and chose to disguise this assholness as "bitter truths" instead of developing personality. He will grow out of it.
Or if he's wealthy, it will be consistently reinforced.
In this economy? I like his chances of growing through hardships and struggle. Let's not give up on him.
Oh a mind reader, how exciting! Or maybe your omnipresent or something less niche, like a remote viewer?
This is so cool, OK I've written something on a note here on my desk and I'm also thinking of a specific object. Can you tell me what it is?
You are unable to see how anyone is honestly a good person because inside you are made of excrement and fear and can't imagine others are any different.
Be better. Or just fuck off.
My best friend was broke and basically homeless for years. I paid his way when we did things because he was my friend and I wanted to spend time with him.
Yes, they’re.
Yeah and I have many times. I live in Europe and when I visit my father’s country (an Arabian country), I meet people who are poor. I talk to them normally, have fun with them normally and just chill. Sure we don’t go to the ‘more luxury’ places but that isn’t needed to have fun.
And I mean, the person was very poor. As in when getting something to drink and you get these plastic cups, he saves them for his home.
But I can tell you, he’s more fun to be around than the ‘more wealthy’ people. He’s generous as well, willing to give his last bit of tea or food etc.
Your account is 1 day old and making such a comment. I get what you are trying to do but it won’t work. I’ll just… you know, block you. So I won’t see your comments.
Freaks like you are why lemmy users have the stereotypes they do. Just so you know
Lmao I love it when I piss off some lemmoid dipshit so much he goes and downvotes all my comments. You are so incredibly pathetic
If money is a barrier to the activity I want to do with friends, I either chip in, pay outright, or find something else.
I absolutely pay for family visitors who can't afford the cost of visiting me. They are family and took the time to visit - it's the least I can do.
Yeah thats inconsiderate as hell. I even do this shit with friends. If i invite someone out to get food and they say something like, "nah man i already went out twice this week. Maybe another time." I offer to pay because i want to spend time with them doing something we enjoy. Hell ive even bought video games for friends because weve bonding playing 1 game before, and id like them to be a part of the next game/dlc.
I wouldn't let my brother be broke and homeless.
If me and my so made 200k while my brother was living on 10k, I'd probably find a way to at least send him an other 10k.
Complete lack of empathy.
I can manage myself comfortably back home with my own paycheck, that's not the issue
I'm just highlighting how crazy it is that they are draining your savings while it's a drop in the bucket for them.
My step mother is from an other country with lower wages. When they come to visit her, they don't pay for anything. She sends them money and stuff also, I just feel like hosting them on her dime is the minimum.
She also helped her sister get a work visa, I don't get why yours isn't helping you get a higher paying job where they are. Obviously, you might not be interested in that in the first place.
They are treating you like an acquaintance and not family imo, but I don't have all the facts. I'm not looking to offend you or anything, sorry.
If my brother was broke and homeless I wouldn't ask him to pay for an expensive dinner.
If my mother came to visit me I wouldn't take her to a titty bar because she's not really into that.
It doesn't take much effort to consider the needs of others.
Short-term homelessness (2-3 months) seems to be tolerable for most housed relatives if the homeless person can make up for it later. But after 6-12 months, the housed will all be gone no matter how close they were with the homeless because the poor individual is marked as lost. The lost status remains even if the homeless person makes it out much later. It's very similar to health conditions like cancer or depression. If you go over a certain threshold, it's over.
You're not really responding to what I'm saying, you're just opining about homeless people.
My point is, when people spend time with others they consider their needs, hence the term "consideration".
You are basing this statement off the people you have met in your experiences. The facts are, you are wrong. I have lived a truth beyond what you describe. Some people I've known have been cut off by their families immediately, within the first 2 weeks of needing support. Others have gone 5 years or more without being cut off. You're either being purposefully ignorant, or are just incredibly close-minded. Either way, if you want to actually provide a net benefit to those around you, you have to open your mind to other experiences people may have. Right now you're only causing harm. Don't ever volunteer again until you can comprehend the idea you might be wrong.
Yeah, and I regularly do. I have a friend who I'd say has a similar income disparity, and unfortunately has had issues with being unhoused in the past.
You can still do stuff, you just pay for the friend if you're inviting them out. I understand if you're also broke, but that's not what we're talking about.
OP makes it pretty clear that they could afford to pay for them but choose not to. If you say "Well maybe they're not actually that wealthy" then fine, they should pick somewhere less expensive that they can cover.
If my brother came to visit me, and I knew he's not very well off, he'd never never ever pay a single penny for anything and I'd do my very best to make sure he had a great holiday. These people are just entitled and inconsiderate and so are you.
I heard that "If my brother/sister/mother/father" story plenty of times. And it was never true. I've seen and heard too much while I volunteered in homeless shelters.
My wife has a friend from childhood who isn't as well off as we are (and I wouldn't say we're particularly well off). My wife regularly invites her to dine out, and her friend often says she can't afford to. So she offers to pay. Sometime her friend accepts, sometimes not, because who wants to feel like a mooch? Oftentimes, if she can't afford to dine out, my wife will just go visit her instead. Why? Because we don't think money is a defining part of our lives, and spending time together is what friends do.
Right, so your anecdotal experience = the sum total of reality. Speaking as someone who's actually needed a homeless shelter for a brief time, attitudes like yours are toxic and damaging.
would i wanna do expensive activities with them? I would pay if i did and probably not do them as often. Would I invite them to activities that dont require paying out the ass? Yes.
I wasn't talking about expensive activities. But activities that require any money to be spent. Which means a very reduced catalog of topics to talk about. Which is what makes poor (or poorer) people appear boring to people with more wealth. It's interesting to note that this works the other way around as well. Wealthy people appear boring to poor people because all they seem to talk about is what they consume.
Yes. Expecting people to go out, your way, for activities only you enjoy, is selfish and entitled.
Entitled in that it is like asking that person to Venmo you directly to pay for your chosen activity.
I could spend $30 on one meal. Or. I could eat for a week on $30. Expecting the first option for the sake of your solo personal enjoyment isn’t cool. If that’s what you like to do, that’s great. But expecting other people to overpay for food, so you can have fun, leaving them out food the rest of the week, not ok.
These guys are mad about him not visiting. And yet.
They clearly want to hang, but they also want him to pay for their expensive activities.
They want to continue living their lifestyle, just like OP. That's not necessarily selfish or entitled. It's just two incompatible ways of life. The solution is to cut ties and find people who are compatible, for both OP and his sister and her husband. Walking away in peace is always better than endless conflicts.
Talking to you is useless. I'll enjoy never seeing your account again.
They’re siblings. There is no closer genetic link on the planet. They will reliably grow old together.
If there’s abuse, sure. If not, surely things can be worked on if not worked out. In addition, maybe it’s the husband with this issue and if the sibs go solo with activities it’s fine.
Cutting ties with family for good because they can’t go out to eat is quite superficial as reasons go. Either that, or it’s coming from a place of zero conflict resilience and as such needs some therapy.
Genetic links are no substitute for empathy or understanding though. You can be twins and still end up being completely different (and incompatible) persons.
Wtf, yes, theres plenty to do with people that cost nothing and spending money is not why i spend time with people. Im not going to shun someone, stranger or not, because theyre not able to afford the same luxuries.
Would you like to give some examples?
why? Are you genuinely not able to do this on your own? Have you never sat with someone and chatted in your own home or theirs just to hang out? Have you never walked somewhere with someone to catch up with them in the moment? Have you never just played an old board game? Or hell, any free game, made up or not with another person? Have you never made up short stories with a group like campers over a campfire? Have you honestly never spent bonding time with another human being without feeling obligated to spend money?
Im honestly baffled at the idea of avoiding another human being or even cutting ties with a close friend because theyre not as financially well off as yourself. Im pretty angry about this because it hits a bit close to home for me. I know what its like to be that broke ass friend as well as the flip side of the one spotting a broke ass friend. Shit happens. Financial ruin can happen to literally anyone for more reasons than avenues exist to get out of said financial ruin. Speaking of the U.S. specifically, something as small as a minor health issue can force a middle class household from a comfortable savings to filing for bankruptcy.
If you truely care about someone you find a solution that works for everyone when you want to hang out. Throwing your hands up and saying "oh well, too sad, come back when you have money again" is so...so...shallow, rude, heartless, fucked up, and up your own ass.
Going for a walk, playing a card game together, just talking about life experiences...? I could go on, but why would I give you that charity? Go find your own examples, you shiftless bum.
Man, how deep has capitalism to be ingrained in your brain, if you can't even think of ways of having fun without spending little or no money. Only being able to spend time with people while also spending money sounds so fucking sad.