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Compromises you've made for partners and how they turned out. (lemmus.org)

submitted 4 days ago by Greercase@lemmus.org to c/womensstuff@piefed.blahaj.zone

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I have a lot of friends in marriages/ltr and it seems like someone is always compromising on something they originally thought they were looking for. You often hear "not who I was looking for, but who ended up being perfect for me" or similar lines. I'm not encouraging lowering standards, but I think we've all experienced shifting priorities for partners. What are some "musts" that you became flexible on and how did that turn out? What are some "nevers" you became flexible about and how did those turn out? Your experience might not help everyone, but it could provide insight to others.

Some personal examples: Must: like reading I had a long relationship with someone who basically never read anything. I still had friends I could talk to about books, and they spent their time building things. I realized it's a nice plus, but not a necessary part of a relationship for me.

Never: workaholic I had a year long relationship with a workaholic. They tried so hard to back off from work, and I knew I was important to them, but so was their job. I ended things after a year because of this. Still a never again, but I'm taken now so hopefully it won't matter going forward.

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[–] MystValkyrie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

My partner advertised herself as being more of a nature girl than she actually was. She told me later that she was just trying to impress me. While that was disappointing at first, there's so many things we have in common that it wasn't an issue. And it's honestly better now because we take things at her pace and she has a better time, like for instance, we spend an hour at a nature trail and then go to brunch as opposed to a multi-day camping trip. It's very nice.

Me feeling like I needed whoever I'm with to go camping with me is something I realized I could let go, just like OP said, because I can find other people in my life to do those things with. I think sometimes we come out stronger by letting go of our expectations.

[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 1 points 12 hours ago

I will garden & do plenty of homestead-ey stuff, appreciate the natural world so much but camping, that is a hard no. Hiking is nice, the beach, the springs, the forest. Not sleeping outside voluntarily, had quite enough of that involuntarily.

[–] Greercase@lemmus.org 3 points 4 days ago

That's sweet she was trying to impress you, but a bummer it was just talk. Glad it worked out well in the end. I also really like camping and my partner does not. I actually prefer going solo because for me it's about being able to blend into nature and be free from constraints which even a partner can add. We also do short hikes and such together and it's been a really nice compromise. Really love your line "sometimes we come out stronger by letting go of our expectations." Thank you for sharing your experience!