this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2025
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Oh, are we confessing to ~~minor~~ thefts? Let's see, what's beyond 7 years old...
A Hogwarts robe clip from a Halloween costume
$12 in expired powerbars
About $200 in assorted mediocre liquor from some wedding
4 posters from bus stops for the Scooby-Doo movie
A 1999 Ford Explorer
7 Playboys and a bag of old coins
97 million kisses from my missus
(Edit: the largest thefts are the kisses)
I'm telling the missus that you think her kisses are only minor theft worthy!
At scale, it's a felony, I promise!
I used to shoplift handheld electronic games, stuff like Electronic Quarterback by Coleco. I was a paper boy and I would walk into stores with my bag around my shoulder and just grab games off the counter and slip them in the bag. What blows my mind now is that this was even possible - this was the late 1970s and apparently I was something of an innovator because the stores never suspected anything or searched kids, and the electronic games were just sitting out on counters. It wasn't long after this that stores started only allowing two kids into the store at a time and shit like that, and searching them when they left.
You're welcome, subsequent generations of would-be shoplifters! You'll never know just how fucking easy we had it.
Shame on you