this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2025
583 points (95.6% liked)
Autism
8347 readers
478 users here now
A community for respectful discussion and memes related to autism acceptance. All neurotypes are welcome.
Community:
Values
- Acceptance
- Openness
- Understanding
- Equality
- Reciprocity
- Mutuality
- Love
Rules
- No abusive, derogatory, or offensive post/comments e.g: racism, sexism, religious hatred, homophobia, gatekeeping, trolling.
- Posts must be related to autism, off-topic discussions happen in the "Hey What's Going On!" daily post.
- Your posts must include a text body. It doesn't have to be long, it just needs to be descriptive.
- Do not request donations.
- Be respectful in discussions.
- Do not post misinformation.
- Mark NSFW content accordingly.
- Do not promote Autism Speaks.
- General Lemmy World rules.
- No bots. Humans only.
Encouraged
- Open acceptance of all autism levels as a respectable neurotype.
- Funny memes.
- Respectful venting.
- Describe posts of pictures/memes using text in the body for our visually impaired users.
- Welcoming and accepting attitudes.
- Questions regarding autism.
- Questions on confusing situations.
- Seeking and sharing support.
- Engagement in our community's values.
- Expressing a difference of opinion without directly insulting another user.
- Please report questionable posts and let the mods deal with it.
.
Helpful Resources
- Are you seeking education, support groups, and more? Take a look at our list of helpful resources.
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Imagine being introverted, autistic, with social anxiety, being married to an extrovert ADHD person.
Well hey there, other person apparently living my life. You wouldn't happen to also be ace would you? Lol
My marriage is great but these are struggles. It gets easier over time as long as you both try to work together.
Not ace :)
We've been married for 20 years. Yes, there are struggles, but we learned that each one of us can have their own separate slices of life as well. While she goes to a meetup, I cook at home. While she goes to a party, i meet up with a buddy, jamming. I'm okay in smaller groups, especially if I get to cook :)
It sounds like yall have a lovely life and I wish you the best :)
I appreciate you! :)
I'd be glad to host their parties, but if they want me to be their +1 at a friend's party, I'd have to think about it.
An interesting thing I learned about myself after I started running birthday parties (at the place I worked) is that I actually can enjoy parties - if I'm the person running it. Instead of a nebulous crowd of strangers that I have no idea what to do with, I have a role, the host. I can go around and introduce myself with a clearly defined reason to do so. I can get to know people by offering to refill their snacks and drinks. I can plan when things happen and when things end, including when people arrive and when they gotta leave.
I enjoy doing things for others, and I can direct my usual-anxious energy into simply checking in on people and making sure everyone's having a good time. Guests appreciate it, and it helps reassure me that I'm doing something right. Crucially, I know other people are neurodiverse like me (especially if they're coming to a party of mine), so I make sure to set aside one room (when I can) as a sort of "calm room." If someone starts to feel overwhelmed, I bring them to the calm room so they can be alone for a bit. (It's better than hogging up the bathroom, which is what I tend to do when I get overwhelmed at others' parties.) I make sure they know that I wouldn't be offended if they chose to leave early, but also that they are welcome to take their time and return to the party any time they want.
I've only had two friends take up the offer so far, but they were both super grateful for the option (and both returned to the party afterwards.)
I actually enjoy cooking, and going to events or parties where I get to cook, now that I can manage.
I'm okay in small-ish groups in general, and she knows that after a social event I need some alone time.
Both your experiences sound similar to my partner and I: they are neurospicy,, I am extrovert. We found what works for us: they decide date and plan, I invite people and coordinate. They plan the menu and are in charge of cooking, that gives them the excuse to “go to the kitchen” for as long as they need at any point and, as already said, a structure to interact with people.
That sounds oh so familiar:)
Having 30+ people over for her birthday was horrifying, but I was in the kitchen most of the time, with the occasional person dropping by...
Luckily it wasn't a dinner party but a buffet & fire pit outside situation. I even came out after dark, to sit by the fire with her and a few people that stayed late :D