I've wanted to get this off my chest for a while now. I've had this on my notes for a few days now and I've now got the courage to share it.
It was three years ago now when my daughter who was 19 at the time was arrested.
At first none of us knew why she was arrested but then after a few days the charges became public. We found out she was charged with CP. As you can imagine all of us were shocked to say the least. Our daughter is the most kindest and caring person you could get. We couldn't imagine her being capable of doing something this horrific. It wasn't in her nature.
At first we thought there was a misunderstanding and the charges must have been trumped up. None of us thought for a minute that she could be guilty of these crimes. We had her back from the moment she was arrested and we were all convinced she was innocent even though none of us had heard her side of the story.
In the weeks leading up to the trial we spoke to her a handful of times via the phone and through visits. We told her we would get the best lawyer money could buy and we would help her clear her name but anytime we tried to talk about the charges or the trial she would change the subject. It was very infuriating but in hindsight I know this was because she was planning to plead guilty.
I still remember when she only used a court appointed attorney and pleaded guilty. We were all shocked. All we could think was why she would plead guilty and not try to fight the charges like an innocent person would. Was she doing it to get a shorter sentence? Could she actually be guilty guilty? There has to be a misunderstanding here. I remember being there in person with my son during the trial. We had never been so shocked in our lives. It was like a punch to the stomach.
The trial was short as she pleaded guilty but to us it went on forever. The judge told us the details of what was found and they were horrific. Apparently, she had lewd pictures both real and drawn of little girls being abused. Some were as young as three or four. She ended up getting about a year in jail and was given a SOPO (Sexual Offences Prevention Order) and made to register as a SO for 10 years.
I tried asking her in prison why she pleaded guilty but none of us have received an answer.
It was so embarrassing for all of us. Her name and face were all over the papers and the Internet and we all have to live life being known as the family whose sister/daughter is a convicted "nonce"/"wrong'un".
All of us were in shock. At first some of us were in denial about her guilt but over time we came to terms with the fact that our daughter/sister was a SO but some of my family are still in denial. For those of us who had come to terms with the truth the only question remaining was why? Why would she have those photos? Did she get them by accident or something? This isn't the type of thing you can imagine someone you know doing/getting in trouble for. This is something that only happens to strangers you read about on the news. I hated the thought of my daughter being one of them. I know she's done bad things but the thought of her being in prison still breaks my heart.
She was released last Spring and now lives with me. She pretty much has no future and has destroyed her life. I let her live rent free as she's pretty much unemployable and has no chance of getting a secondary education unless she moves back to Spain but even then her convection is going to follow her like a shadow.
I still love my daughter as any mother would but I see her in a completely different light now. She still spends a lot of time on the internet and I can't help but worry about what she's doing there. I just don't want her to get in trouble again.
She has goodness in her but she needs the right help and the guidance to rise above all of this. I know she's got problems but I see the best in her. She isn't a cruel person and she loves people, especially children. I know she didn't do any of this for sadistic reasons.
Forgive me if this is a little insensitive, but I presume you're not here for a pat on the back...
How is it possible that she was released "last spring", has been living with you, but you still have absolutely no context?
What has happened with counselling? I'm sure it's practically mandated as part of her release. I'm also sure that any counsellor would try at least a few sessions with you and your daughter.
How did she acquire the CSAM? Did she produce it? How did the police become aware of her activities?
Finally, are you sure she was never a victim of abuse?
"Forgive me if this is a little insensitive, but I presume you’re not here for a pat on the back…"
I'm here to get stuff off my chest.
"How is it possible that she was released “last spring”, has been living with you, but you still have absolutely no context?"
It's so very uncomfortable subject for both of us and doesn't like talking about it. I don't even know how to bring it up.
"What has happened with counselling? I’m sure it’s practically mandated as part of her release. I’m also sure that any counsellor would try at least a few sessions with you and your daughter."
She is supposed to talk to a probation officer every now and then and the police have to check her electronics every month and she has to register to the local police. Those are the conditions to her relief release. I can try to get her on board with seeing a counsellor but it's an up hill battle.
"How did she acquire the CSAM? Did she produce it?"
The trial was short so they didn't go into specifics. If she produce it she would have seen a bunch of different charges. From what I can tell she downloaded it from the internet.
"How did the police become aware of her activities?"
Something about downloads and IP. Just a bunch of technical mumbo jumbo I'm too old to understand.
"Finally, are you sure she was never a victim of abuse?"
Yes, she wasn't particularly active in her younger years. I monitored everyone she spoke to online and she never had any boyfriends/girlfriends.
ok, well... to take a completely different tack:
Your despair is certainly understandable, and while you're getting things off your chest I guess this kind of statement is perfectly reasonable.
However, if I said to my therapist "I have destroyed my life" they would say that's black and white thinking or binary thinking and lead me to identify areas of my life which are not in fact, destroyed.
The point is, to acknowledge that some areas of ones life may be problematic, may be even terrible... but your entire life is not destroyed.
I don't necessarily believe that a conviction needs to preclude any form of "work". Just as one example among many, it's absolutely possible to make money as a graphic designer online without having to pass a background check. There's almost infinite online content regarding how to learn this trade.
In any case, she's lucky she has you in her corner. I'm sorry this happened to her, and to you. Good luck.