this post was submitted on 02 Aug 2025
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I Need Wedding Advice (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 20 hours ago by VerilyFemme@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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So, I'm going to be the best man in my friend's wedding. I'm very flattered to have the honor. He's one of my closest friends, and I have no problem supporting him as his best man/best trans.

Furthermore, I'm out to him, and he has made it clear that he wants me to show up in whatever way makes me the most comfortable. I've picked out a dress, started taking voice lessons, and plan on getting my hair and makeup done professionally.

I don't feel dysphoric at all about filling a traditionally male role, but...

How the fuck do I write a speech? A lot of best men seem to give speeches that joke about their 'bromance' with the groom and all that, which I find to be wholly inappropriate in my scenario.

My first thought was poking fun at picking a woman for best man, but some of his family are transphobic and I don't want to rely on gender humor out of fear that they stew in their transphobia and say something to ruin his wedding. Then I thought maybe I could crack a joke or two about being trans - but I also don't want to lean into the self-deprecation so much that I validate anyone's transphobia.

So, how do I even approach this?

I was thinking I could open with, "When the groom asked me to be his best man, I said, 'sit down, there's something you should know.'"

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but this is a friend who has been there for me in the past. I want to fill my role in his wedding perfectly. Any advice is welcome and appreciated.

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[–] neuracnu@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

The speech aspect of this is really interesting.

My first instinct would be “don’t make this about me.” Think about what you would say about him, how you met, adventures and escapades you’ve gotten into and out of, and how you’ve grown from who you were when you met into the unique and interesting people you are now.

I think that’s a sly way to talk about it without making the whole speech about it.

[–] VerilyFemme@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) (1 children)

This is excellent advice, because I definitely don't want to make it about me. I realize how the wording of my post kinda implies that I do.

I suppose that I feel, given the circumstance, that I have to acknowledge it in some way. I think I'm just nervous about showing up in a traditionally male role, as a trans woman, in front of a bunch of rednecks, frankly.

Thank you for the words of wisdom!

[–] endlessvoid@lemmy.today 5 points 15 hours ago

Don't acknowledge it at all, you dont owe the guests any explanation about yourself. Just focus on the couple and let anyone who wonders about your gender presentation puzzle it out on their own time.