Microblog Memes

I can see where your in-law's coming from, but to put a finer point on it:

Veganism is a philosophy and way of living which seeks to exclude—as far as is possible and practicable—all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose; and by extension, promotes the development and use of animal-free alternatives for the benefit of animals, humans and the environment. In dietary terms it denotes the practice of dispensing with all products derived wholly or partly from animals.

That's why vegans aren't interested in "cruelty free" animal products. It's not just the fact that there is still a lot of cruelty involved; we're opposed to animal exploitation regardless. Veganism naturally came out of the animal rights movement.

This might just be non-vegan apologia, but I like to think that recognising the ethical merit in veganism is a step in the right direction, especially if you manage to not feel unhelpful levels of guilt about it (my ex's mom was annoying as hell, because she would cry if she ever thought about the fact that the meat she was eating used to be an animal. She felt so guilty about it that the cognitive dissonance caused her to reflexively avoid growth.)

I used to be irrationally somewhat anti-vegan, but now I am merely non-vegan. I'm not even vegetarian yet, but I am closer to that than I was a year ago. I'm not there yet, but I'm trying. It makes me uncomfortable to recognise the cognitive dissonance in me when I acknowledge that my current diet is not in line with my personal ethics. However, sitting with that discomfort is one of the ways in which I'm trying.

Along those same lines, give yourself space to grow. The fact that you recognise being non vegan as not saying good things about you is itself, a little good thing, in my opinion. It's not much, but that self awareness is definitely pointing you in the right direction.