Men’s Mental Health
I’m admittedly new to running a community anywhere online, but saw a need so I’m trying to fill it and help where I can. I’ve had plenty of my own issues over the years and am hoping for a safe space where men can discuss their own brands of issues. For now we’re gonna run by the Bartender Rule & few other rules stolen shamelessly from !mentalhealth@lemmy.world :
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Rules
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2-All our content must be helpful and appropriate. Do not put vulnerable people at risk and mind the way you approach when need be.
3-Do not DM any of our members unless they specifically request it. Likewise, if a person from here disturbs you, you are encouraged to report them to us(with evidence) and block them. They will be banned instantly.
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Im gonna get a little personal here bcz it seems like you need it. First off, i dont know what happened, but im really sorry youre going through this. Nothing can replace the gaping hole that your partner left. And I empathize with you in the loss of a very dearly loved one.
My father hung himself from a bridge when I was 5 years old. He had 4 kids with his wife of 17 years..its just a fact of my life I have to live with. Im on my 30s now.
I never emotionally recovered from that event in my life. It devestated my family, and ended up scarring his children, and forcing my mother into a series of abusive relationships and deadend jobs just to make ends meet. I had a rough childhood.
But I can tell you, it got better, and my life is not all consumed by his death anymore.
I know the world seems dark right now to you, and nothing matters. But if you do something permanent, you are doing something permanent in response to temporary feelings.
I can promise uou that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you have friends you can talk to, do it! Even better, see a therapist, and let them help you through the grieving process..
I have been where you've been. I have wanted a way out, for the pain just to end. But I can tell you from experience, if you go through with it, people will miss you dearly, and always wonder what if anything they could have done differently to keep you around.
Now, im not saying all this to tell you my sob story. I am just trying to put my comment into context of why I am posting this morning.
You really should talk to someone about whats going on with you. I went to therapy for years to get over my trauma, amd the funny part is, before that, I had no idea I was so fucked up. But, after a lot of therapy, I came out the other side a little bit better.
And im still here to tell my story, and encourage other people to do the same...a little piece of advice my therapist told me, "Feelings are not facts". It has always stuck with me, no matter what I am doing, I try to remind myself that my feelings are not factual. They are certainly real, and they affect how I approach life. But they are not concrete facts, and they do not have to control me.
Please take care of yourself, and talk to someone you can trust about what youre going through!
One difficult thing is that I feel so ashamed of myself and pathetic that I don't even want to talk to the people I care about and trust because I feel like such a failure for losing her. I had a bad experience with therapy as a kid, and while that does make me jaded to the concept, I also just can't afford to see one. The situation has forced me to buy a home, because ironically I could get approved for a house but not an apartment or trailer, and I'm absolutely terrified that I won't be able to keep up with bills, I got a roommate but my mortgage is like triple what I had to pay living with her and while I never couldn't pay my bills, I didn't have much excess. I'm trying to work more and applied for some higher positions in my company, but they're dragging their feet about it.
Are there any support groups in your area? I go to a free support group for survivors once a week. I am sure you can find something. There are low cost therapists, and sometimes insurance can cover it. I totally get having a bad experience with a therapist. Ive had a few bad experiences myself, but I've also found therapists that were an excellent fit for me.
But, if therapy isnt an option, talk to someone, anyone. You cannot work through this by yourself. It took me years to get over my ex-wife. And i was in the same head space you are in now, but I didnt have access to guns. If I were you, I would get rid of any guns you own, for your own safety.
And please, for the love of God, be kind to yourself. You are not a failure, and you will get through this! I believe with everything in my heart that you will make it through this and come out with a better understanding of yourself.
Relationships dont have to ruin who you are. Do not let this woman steal who you are! You had a life before her, and you can have a life after her, just as fulfilling. I promise you, from someone who has been in your shoes, it will slowly with time get better, even if it doesn't feel like it now.
Please dont beat yourself up about what happened. It takes two people to end a relationship. If you need to DM someone and talk this out,, my DMs are open my dude!