Men’s Mental Health

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I’m admittedly new to running a community anywhere online, but saw a need so I’m trying to fill it and help where I can. I’ve had plenty of my own issues over the years and am hoping for a safe space where men can discuss their own brands of issues. For now we’re gonna run by the Bartender Rule & few other rules stolen shamelessly from !mentalhealth@lemmy.world :

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I don't feel like I'm going to get back. (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 13 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) by JokeDeity@sh.itjust.works to c/mensmentalhealth@lemmy.world

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It's been 4 or 5 months since I lost the love of my life that I spent over a decade with and I feel like it happened yesterday. I cannot, for any reason, go more than 5 minutes without thinking about her. I don't see the light. I don't see anything in this world that brings me joy or expect to ever again. Sometimes it feels like every day that passes I get worse instead of better. I'm laying in my new house and I should be happy to have so many people that support me and the fact that I even have a house to begin with, but instead I'm just looking at my pistols. I feel like I want out, and I don't know what's kept me from doing it so far, because all I do is cry and want to sleep and feel like shit. I work, I go home, I stare at YouTube videos my brain isn't even actually processing because I'm just thinking about her. Even at the gym my brain just won't get off of it. Even at work it doesn't stop. I'm just so tired and I don't remember the last time I genuinely smiled from being happy about anything, every new day feels like Mt Everest without a Sherpa. I've had other very difficult breakups, but they don't even show up on the chart next to the pain I'm feeling every day from this one.

I'm just so fucking tired.

Edit: I'm at work and can't respond to everyone right now, but I still wanted to read the comments. I really appreciate you Internet strangers, even if I don't really feel better right now, it's fucking cool that you people are trying to help someone you'll likely never meet. ❤️

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[–] Mastema 4 points 13 hours ago

There are a few things that actually make this better, if you want it to get better. I don't know what your life situation is like, but under no circumstances should you go home after work and be alone. Go to a park and walk. Get a bike and ride. Join a boxing gym. Anything to be moving. Stay off your phone. They are basically unhappiness machines designed to make us want something other than what we have. Reach out to friends and family (I know I just said put your phone down, but communication is the one redeeming quality) And maybe most importantly, start some sort of therapy/meditation practice. I recommend IFS therapy. If you can't afford a therapist, there is a book called Self Therapy by Jay Earley that gets you 90% of the way there.

The realization that you will need to come to, which I can tell you now, but won't really mean anything until you are ready to hear it, is that you can't be "good" to be in another person's life until you can be "good" by yourself. You have to learn to be ok company for you, and be ok in a room with just your own thoughts, before it is really fair to ask another human being to be in there with you. Right now you are learning that you aren't ok without this person, or without some person. I'm learning the same thing now also, if it helps. Learning that is huge. Congratulations and condolences all at the same time. You have some work to do. You can do it, or you can not, but life doesn't get better until you start doing it.

I don't know what it is worth, but there is a random guy on the Internet who wants you to succeed and learn to be content with yourself. Once that happens, the connections you make with others will be genuine and much stronger.

DM me if you need anything at all, and I believe in you. The dark thoughts are not the truth. Your strength and kindness is the truth. Believe in that.