this post was submitted on 02 Aug 2025
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[–] logicbomb@lemmy.world 67 points 19 hours ago (5 children)

I suspect that women aren't dating conservative men, not because they want to punish them, but because they would personally rather not date a horrible person.

It's a pretty bad spiral. Lonely men develop more extremist views, which makes them less attractive to women, which makes them lonelier, and they get even more extremist views, etc.

Like, if you lined all of the single men up who vote against women's rights, and asked an equal number of women to sacrifice their own happiness to date them, a certain number of those horrible men would turn a corner and start to act like a human. But who is going to give up their own happiness to fix some broken asshole stranger? Very few people.

[–] CitizenKong@lemmy.world 30 points 19 hours ago (5 children)

You can't put that on the women. Men have got to get their shit together. Just show a bit of empathy, bro! It's not that hard, humans are literally wired for it. It's just that capitalism is reinforcing humankind's worst impulses.

[–] WanderingThoughts@europe.pub 12 points 15 hours ago

There is a whole industries to radicalize men. They try to get them hooked with "women don't want to date me" and get them on the social media conveyor belt towards becoming a good right wing radical that's immune to any logic.

[–] zarathustra0@lemmy.world 7 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

Men have got to get their shit together. Just show a bit of empathy, bro! It’s not that hard, humans are literally wired for it.

There's a concept from the autism community called the double empathy problem which posits that counter to the mainstream narrative that people with autism are lacking/missing empathy, autistic people do have empathy. The theory suggests that the brains of autistic individuals processes information and stimuli so dramatically differently from 'neurotypical' people that neurotypical people are typically unable to accurately understand what is going on in the neurodiverse mind and vice versa. It suggests that empathy seems to most easily work neurodiverse-to-neurodiverse and neurotypical-to-neurotypical which to me makes sense.

Now there are certainly plenty of people in the modern world who seem unable to display any form of empathy, but this theory does highlight that empathy isn't a binary and depends on your ability to understand the mind of another.

There is no single way to be empathetic, and it is entirely possible that one person thinks they are being empathetic when in fact they are being antagonistic to the other. My point is that empathy can look different to different groups.

[–] logicbomb@lemmy.world 4 points 13 hours ago

You can’t put that on the women.

I wasn't putting it on the women. The idea that women can have personal preferences and prefer certain men over others is not "putting it on the women". I think that sort of interpretation is dangerous thinking, the sort of thing a person would say if they saw themselves as an "incel".

[–] RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz 4 points 14 hours ago

So it's a societal issue rather than men not pulling their bootstraps enough?

[–] Junkers_Klunker@feddit.dk 13 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Absolutely don’t put that on women, but it is a mental illness so you can’t ask them to get their shit together they need help.

[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world -2 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

other men need to step in to provide the help they need

[–] damnedfurry@lemmy.world 17 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

Being the same sex as someone who needs help with mental health doesn't magically make you a qualified therapist/psychiatrist for them.

This is a ridiculous statement.

[–] ClownStatue@piefed.social 1 points 15 hours ago

Lonely people need all sorts of help. Sometimes just having someone to talk to is enough. Plus, a lot of men have a hard time asking for help, especially for something as “unmanly” as loneliness. This can make someone offering help significantly more effective. Additionally, for a number of people, it’s just easier to open up to someone of the same sex.

[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 0 points 15 hours ago
  1. Yes, I was trying to be ambiguous with my statement since one of the definitions of the loneliness is men thinking they’re owed sex, and since women surely don’t owe them sex, other men are the only other logical option (which is indeed ridiculous)
  2. But I was also meaning that men are way too unsupportive and closed off with each other, and those who have the capacity would do the world a favor by being there as best we can for other men since the evidence seems to show we’ve been failing at this
[–] damnedfurry@lemmy.world 10 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago)

I suspect that women aren’t dating conservative men

Well, there are plenty of conservative women too, so that can't tell the whole story, can it?

Looks like conservative men and liberal women are in similar boats, statistically:

In broad terms, there are only 0.6 single liberal young men for each single liberal young woman; likewise, only 0.5 single conservative young women exist for every conservative young man. Statistically, in other words, about half of these ideologically minded young singles face the prospect of failing to find a partner who shares their politics.

This implies the liberal men are dating the conservative women, lol.

[–] carotte@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

a certain number of those horrible men would turn a corner and start to act like a human

over here in Real World Land, what will happen is those women will get abused, physically and sexually

these men have a violent hatred for women. they don’t need a girlfriend, they need therapy and, failing that, a life of imprisonment far from the people they’re a danger to

[–] logicbomb@lemmy.world 5 points 12 hours ago

over here in Real World Land, what will happen is those women will get abused, physically and sexually

I wasn't talking about that because it was an impossible hypothetical designed to show one aspect. Just the idea of forcing women to date men is abusive in itself. You don't need to expound on the other consequences. It was already horrible, but I was making a point about something else.

It's like how people learn logic in elementary school. If I say, "Some birds are red," that doesn't imply that I'm saying, "No birds are blue". I said, "A certain number" of those men would turn a corner. That doesn't imply that "none" of those men would become abusive. In fact, conversely, the way that you're saying it could be read that you're saying "all" of those men would become abusive. I mean, that's what you're literally saying, but I'm sure you don't mean it, because I think there is nobody who would actually believe that.

[–] zarathustra0@lemmy.world 1 points 14 hours ago

failing that, a life of imprisonment far from the people they’re a danger to

I'm just going to leave this here, it's a good book that might be worthwhile reading: Violence: Reflections on a National Epidemic - James Gilligan

[–] rottingleaf@lemmy.world -2 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

but because they would personally rather not date a horrible person.

That's not what women consider when choosing dates. Even the nicest (as a person) women.

They consider safety, reliability, how fun or not the person is, everything, but that everything is more practical than moral. Especially since evaluating someone by moral criteria from the first glance is an almost impossible task. Since women are in bigger danger from making mistakes, they usually know that.

Even when they share stupid posts from dating apps or whatever, the focus is on stupidity and awkwardness, not on someone being a douche, because honestly sex is not like other spheres of life and a woman being like "sorry, below 2 meter tall is not for me, and also I like guys with blue eyes and a car" is pretty normal, which, well, in other circumstances is being a douche.

And the proportion of good and bad people among men and women is the same, a reminder in case someone forgot this, ahem.

I don't think this has much to do with the conservative\liberal category at all.

More like vulnerable\healthy, or insecure\content. The vulnerable and insecure parts of population in our time and situation might be more likely to feel conservative, but in essence this is not important.

I mean, OK, somewhere around 50s there were plenty of stats how women actually strongly prefer conservative men, while in average more men were liberal than conservative. Today this seems to be reverted.

The ideologies are secondary, just if a man talks too much of their ideology to a potential date, they need some therapy first, and if a man can't manage some tact about their ideology when that correlates with misogyny, they are not trying hard enough to get that date, and if both are wrong but the other side wants to kill them with fire for their mind having been touched with that impure abomination of thought, then probably the other side needs some therapy. And - I know it's hard to consider, but maybe, - some people are just not meant for each other, there's that.

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 3 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

They consider safety, reliability, how fun or not the person is, everything, but that everything is more practical than moral.

Being conservative is mutually exclusive with being safe.

[–] rottingleaf@lemmy.world 0 points 13 hours ago

In your specific situation maybe. Even in mine maybe.

[–] SL3wvmnas@discuss.tchncs.de -5 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Lonely men develop more extremist views

Ah yes, the lonely man® with the agency of a fucking houseplant.

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 16 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (1 children)

There is absolutely a systemic pressure radicalizing these men. It's always partly their fault, but nowhere near fully

Remember that this process almost always happens before they turn 20, and usually to young teens

[–] logicbomb@lemmy.world 3 points 13 hours ago

Not just systemic, but intentional. People who want to recruit for Nazi groups will hang around and give advice on "incel" forums.