this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2025
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Exploring sexuality within a closed monogamous relationship. Questions(s)? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 day ago by Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org
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So, I realized a Lil while back, (2+y) I'm mtf trans. My spouse and I have been together ~16 years and now she's committed to seeing this through and seeing how things end up because she loves me, not my flesh necessarily. But, she's concerned because we grew up with a very strict, conservative, religious background and did always consider ourselves cishet.

She loves me for me, but is worried about the future and super curious about exploring her sexuality to figure out if she's as straight as she thought (she's also had some do I want her or to be her thoughts).

Main point is, does anyone have any suggestions for how she can explore and figure things out without opening the marriage, and preferably without porn?

I'm still struggling to understand the romantic and sexual attraction spectrums and where I fit in the, but she seems very high on the romantic spectrum as in, she can't imagine being intimate without a serious relationship.

I don't know. I'm just looking for options to help her figure herself out, and us out, while I figure myself out too.

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[–] HakunaHafada@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

Another option is to try and find a local munch or kink club. From what I understand, munches are more social in nature where people talk about sex and kink, not necessarily committing the acts at the munch. Whether or not that counts as "porn" in your eyes is up to you, but I think having the social aspect of talking to other people in real life may help ease you and your spouse into discovering a broader world of sexuality than what your conservative upbringings taught you, and perhaps making the emotional/psychological aspect of your transition easier.

[–] irvinefantasyno@beehaw.org 2 points 9 hours ago

My knee-jerk reaction was to go "uh, really? A munch?" but you may be onto something here.

At least in my neck of the woods, the focus is on socializing and getting to know people-- and education, and safety, along with the fun stuff. That is a pretty good start, actually.

You can also find adjacent groups because yes, kinky people got hobbies like everyone else. There are trans support groups, board gamers, video gamers, and neeeererrrrrds.

So, yeah. I guess it wouldn't hurt after all!

[–] Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

I have honestly never heard of this concept, but am significantly more intrigued than the idea of "find a sex club"

They are literally called "munches"? Are there other terms ? Any other terms or ways to find something like this? Legit, I've never heard of this being a thing before.

[–] LassCalibur@beehaw.org 1 points 16 hours ago

The same places that hold munches might have other events as well. There are polyamorous gaming nights at the place nearest me.

[–] HakunaHafada@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)

Yep. In regards to the "find a sex club" comment, you don't necessarily have to participate; you can probably simply watch/socialize with others.

One more thing, since you mentioned a religious upbringing: assuming your upbringing was Christian and you still consider yourself Christian, and you/your spouse don't mind reading books, I can offer some recommendations that I would consider supportive and affirmative.