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Exploring sexuality within a closed monogamous relationship. Questions(s)? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 1 day ago by Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

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So, I realized a Lil while back, (2+y) I'm mtf trans. My spouse and I have been together ~16 years and now she's committed to seeing this through and seeing how things end up because she loves me, not my flesh necessarily. But, she's concerned because we grew up with a very strict, conservative, religious background and did always consider ourselves cishet.

She loves me for me, but is worried about the future and super curious about exploring her sexuality to figure out if she's as straight as she thought (she's also had some do I want her or to be her thoughts).

Main point is, does anyone have any suggestions for how she can explore and figure things out without opening the marriage, and preferably without porn?

I'm still struggling to understand the romantic and sexual attraction spectrums and where I fit in the, but she seems very high on the romantic spectrum as in, she can't imagine being intimate without a serious relationship.

I don't know. I'm just looking for options to help her figure herself out, and us out, while I figure myself out too.

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[–] apotheotic@beehaw.org 7 points 1 day ago

Does erotic literature count as porn in this situation? If not, she could try reading some steamy lesbian smut and see if it does much for her!

If it does count as porn, then perhaps you could find a therapist who specialises in sex or lgbtq+ issues to talk to together - your experience is by no means unusual, despite being every bit as difficult

Other than that, if you folks have sex, then she's been having sex with a girl for ages and enjoying it, so she's almost certainly not straight ;P

In that vein, perhaps just having sex in a way that really drives home the fact that she's having sex with a girl? Discuss with her and ask her to do things like... Touch you in a more typically feminine way, like really caressing your body, your hips, your breasts, your ass, your thighs. Telling you you're pretty etc when she dirty talks, if she dirty talks. If you don't already wear makeup or lingerie when you have sex, you could do so!

Good luck, this is never an easy time, but you'll find your way the best you can