this post was submitted on 31 Jul 2025
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Honestly, I'm tired of toxic positivity invading everything. I'd rather people grow thicker skins when it comes to speech. actual hate speech (such as suggesting murder of specific groups) and things of that nature should absolutely be banned; but insults are meant to be demeaning, that's the point of them. Thankfully I hear children in the streets calling each other gay, fat, ugly as an insult, so I think they'll be okay. But my viewpoint is probably skewed as fuck, because I've been on the internet since I was 14 and have had to deal with the worst of it since day 1. Misgendering and/or Deadnaming someone isn't hate speech.
Misgendering, deadnaming, and broadly "it's just bullying get over it" type speech leads to suicides particularly by younger people. The problem has multiple fronts: people need support to get them through the toughest times, thick skin to keep the day to day manageable, and social spaces need some degree of checks to keep from going full toxic
Personally I don't mind being deadname or misgendered I think it's funny. I'm a survivor bias though I've made it to my thirties being unphased. Other people who used to be around me who couldn't handle the aggressions did not make it to their thirties. One of my oldest friends attempted suicide four times that I know of over this type of speech being directed at them. They're only alive right now because they were lucky enough to keep being pulled back from death until they could grow that thicker skin you're talking about
How do you reconcile this assertion with the fact that bullying was inarguably more widespread before 2008 than it has been since then, and yet:
Also, trans men are generally much more likely to convincingly 'pass' than trans women (and trans people who 'pass' are bullied less, by simple virtue of the fact that fewer people are able to even identify them as trans), and yet:
Something isn't adding up here, no?
Unfortunately I can't find it again, because it was such an interesting and surprising bit of data, but I read a study some years ago that split trans people up into three categories, and compared the rate of suicide among them:
If you had to guess which of the three categories had the lowest suicide rate, I bet it'd be #2, right? So did I, but actually, the group with the least suicidality was #1! The implication that never coming out at all makes a trans person less likely to take their life than coming out to people who accept and support them was stunning, but there it was, in black and white. So what does that mean, exactly?
I don't know, but this is definitely a more complex issue than it appears on the surface, to most people.
So you've used the word 'inarguably' there, which I take as a challenge.
Bullying is not less widespread than it was before 2008. Anecdotally, I have two kids in high school and bullying is rife, it seems the environment in school is exactly as it was 30 years ago. This is the general consensus between myself, other parents and education/healthcare professionals that I've spoken to.
Less anecdotally, cyber bullying is now a thing. Kids can no longer escape their bullies by leaving school. This means that bullying is now immeasurably worse than pre-2008, which is exactly converse to your assertion, and may also be part of the cause of rising suicide rates. Social media's insipid ability to reach into the same "safe" spaces with advertising-driven beauty and masculinity standards has a lot to answer for there as well, which also explains the diverging figures along gender lines.
Well, here is some data I found that contradicts that, and supports my assertion, after doing a quick search:
The years don't line up absolutely perfectly, but 28% to 19% in a post-2008 ~10 year period is a 32% drop, if I did my math correctly.
Here in the UK, it's up to 35% according to the latest data. And that's just in person. Online bullying has risen from zero in 2008 to 19%