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on the male loneliness epidemic (infosec.pub)

submitted 3 days ago by carotte@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/curatedtumblr@sh.itjust.works

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Screenshot of a Tumblr post by nongunktional:

when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue

to all the men out there not getting laid: try less hard to get laid and try more hard to be an enjoyable and relaxing presence

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[–] Vreyan31@reddthat.com -3 points 2 days ago

I want to discuss the first statement in your last reply - about "lumping all single men together".

That is just how quantification of anything works. If we were talking about unemployment, or number of people with blue cars, or days with rain - if there is an increase, you mark on the sum increase over the previous baseline, and discuss potential reasons for the new influx.

If you think you are part of the previous baseline - guys who would have been single in past generations, then the discussion doesn't apply to you. Even if no one goes through and specifically excludes you. Because the influx is what is being discussed - not the baseline.

But I don't think you are actually upset at being lumped in with the influx. I think you are upset because the guys in the influx are being rediculed and you desperately want to find a reason to both be mad about that and to say those criticisms don't apply to you.

You say you don't want to be assumed to be a PoS bc you don't have a gf.

If you really are not trying to date, I don't think you run the risk of that.

The criticism in the top post is directed at guys who are obsessed with their dating status - but see it as a game they are losing, and women as objects to be manipulated into what they want.

If you are trying to date but see women as hostile opponents to be 'managed', you are going to act like a PoS.

What determines your PoS status isn't your dating status - it's whether you see and treat women as fully equal people with the same expectations to dignity and respect as your guy friends, or if you see women as alien beings on an opposing team - targets to potentially be manipulated to get what you long for, or targets of resentment for withholding or being inaccessable for what you long for.

If you are truly single and don't have any resentments towards women about it, you are unlikely to come off as a PoS.

But honestly, that isnt how your comments are coming off