this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2025
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Exploring sexuality within a closed monogamous relationship. Questions(s)? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 day ago by Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org
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So, I realized a Lil while back, (2+y) I'm mtf trans. My spouse and I have been together ~16 years and now she's committed to seeing this through and seeing how things end up because she loves me, not my flesh necessarily. But, she's concerned because we grew up with a very strict, conservative, religious background and did always consider ourselves cishet.

She loves me for me, but is worried about the future and super curious about exploring her sexuality to figure out if she's as straight as she thought (she's also had some do I want her or to be her thoughts).

Main point is, does anyone have any suggestions for how she can explore and figure things out without opening the marriage, and preferably without porn?

I'm still struggling to understand the romantic and sexual attraction spectrums and where I fit in the, but she seems very high on the romantic spectrum as in, she can't imagine being intimate without a serious relationship.

I don't know. I'm just looking for options to help her figure herself out, and us out, while I figure myself out too.

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[โ€“] Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Thanks for the advice!

We try to be super open about all of this. I think a big point is that she recognizes and understands and supports my transition, but she's nervous she will be less attracted to me later and wants to explore how much of a possibility she really might be into women, but cannot see herself doing a one night stand situation, so we're a bit stumped on "how do we figure it out without actually having sex?" situation? Idk if it's even possible, just fishing for ideas for something I'm probably missing.

[โ€“] LassCalibur@beehaw.org 1 points 17 hours ago

Do you only experience attraction during sex? I feel it in my eyes when smiling, hear it when someone's face makes pretty noises, bounce off it when trying to hold a walking conversation and failing. Just be open to your feelings!