this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2025

761 points (81.0% liked)

Curated Tumblr

5756 readers

3 users here now

For preserving the least toxic and most culturally relevant Tumblr heritage posts.

Here are some OCR tools to assist you in transcribing posts:

web
iOS
FOSS Android Recs per u/m_f@discuss.online: 1 , 2

Don't be mean. I promise to do my best to judge that fairly.

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

Apytele@sh.itjust.works

ethaver@kbin.earth

761

on the male loneliness epidemic (infosec.pub)

submitted 1 week ago by carotte@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/curatedtumblr@sh.itjust.works

565 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Show transcript

Screenshot of a Tumblr post by nongunktional:

when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue

to all the men out there not getting laid: try less hard to get laid and try more hard to be an enjoyable and relaxing presence

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] Bronzebeard@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You have a real knack for demonstrably defeating your own arguments as you are making them. It's honestly impressive.

Do you even know what narcissism is? You're just throwing that at everyone who cares to point how how wrong you are, regardless of any lack of speaking about themself.

[+] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world -6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Lol amazing, so much projection and grandiosity in that comment alone. Go away, boring. No one cares.

[–] Bronzebeard@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

There's no projection here. You've been throwing unprompted insults at everyone that responds to you all over this thread.

You can stop pretending you're the one in the right, here. No one else buys it.

You continue to lack any self awareness.

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world -4 points 1 week ago (2 children)

"You, you, you." Sure, there's no projection here lmfao. Vulnerable narcs are honestly pathetic and so, so boring.

[–] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

How many times did you say "you" in that comment?

There's only one person in this conversation projecting

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world -4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Gee, except what I said was based on substance, I directly quoted what he said and explained the issue, and I provided links elsewhere that support this:

https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-a-vulnerable-narcissist-7369901

I also called him a misogynist and I am not a misogynist- so that there seems like I'm just criticizing, not projecting.

Although harboring a grandiose sense of self importance, entitlement and need for admiration, a type of narcissism known as vulnerable narcissism is also characterized by feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and hypersensitivity to criticism

People with this type of narcissism tend to be more vulnerable to rejection and have difficulty forming meaningful relationships. They may also become easily overwhelmed and have difficulty dealing with stress

“A vulnerable narcissist describes someone who is hypersensitive to rejection and extremely self-conscious. They tend to be insecure, as well. They become angry or offended when not put on a pedestal. A person with vulnerable narcissism is highly sensitive to criticism. People with vulnerable narcissism often lack empathy. If they do show empathy it is used to build their own self-importance.”

Hm, that's him in every comment. I was right. My argument was supported. You just have weird baseless accusations as an attempt to control the narrative so you can continue to get narc supply.

Bonus link on the connection between narcissists and misogynists (ie him, you and his other defenders/flying monkeys): https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-020-01193-3

[–] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

except what I said was based on substance, I directly quoted what he said and explained the issue

Let's take a closer look at the comment

This would imply that regardless of any other possible causes, I am deserving of ridicule because I don’t live life like you

No.

Actually, the post does imply the thing he says it implies, as it implies that men who don't get laid simply have an unenjoyable and unrelaxing presence. But that's not a form of ridicule? Ok.

I was right to say “because of social anxiety, btw, not that you’d care”, because immediately here’s a reply that implies my social anxiety is not real, or it is but it’s not relevant. You assume the worst of me because I dare not have a girlfriend

No.

Actually, he was entirely correct to assume that the person responding to him would immediately disregard his social anxiety, and they did in fact assume the worst of him by implying that he thinks society owes him access to attractive women, pulling that idea completely out of their asshole.

However, what I do care is if people assume I’m a horrible piece of shit because of it.

No one assumes this just because you don't have a girlfriend. It is the narrative you have around the lack of girlfriend that gives that away.

Do you know this guy or something? Have you ever been an adult male virgin? Social attitudes towards adult male virgins are slightly better than attitudes towards pedophiles. Not having any prior relationships is seen as an enormous red flag the older you get.

I also called him a misogynist and I am not a misogynist

Yeah, you're not a mysoginist, you're a misandrist. Same difference. Hey, you know it's really harmful to attempt to diagnose mental illnesses in other people when you aren't a mental health professional and were not hired to diagnose them, right? It's super harmful to assert that someone has a mental illness, and then insult them for having the mental illness you just pretended to diagnose.

But yeah, everyone who disagrees with you is a narcissist who's projecting all of their issues on you, and you're the only reasonable person here

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world -4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

He sets up a classic victim narrative due to his sensitivity to criticism there. It's not reality that society cares to ridicule an average man who isn't dating anyone - for example there's not really any asexual men getting super up in arms about this supposed ridicule in general. Society/women are generally angry and upset with men who are shitty to women and then get mad women reject them.

Here, 2:22 https://youtu.be/VUFqhChmHCc

You enforcing this false victim narrative by running defense for him is doing him and you a disservice.

Actually, he was entirely correct to assume that the person responding to him would immediately disregard his social anxiety

Why do you think having anxiety entitles him to control others? Why do you believe that his emotional state should be managed by others? That is not how emotions work, you cannot control other people's feelings- codependency 101. He's also playing the victim here. "Not that you'd care" is classic vulnerable narcissist lol.

Do you know this guy or something? Have you ever been an adult male virgin? Social attitudes towards adult male virgins are slightly better than attitudes towards pedophiles. Not having any prior relationships is seen as an enormous red flag the older you get.

Yes, here on Lemmy, where he doesn't want people to blah blah whatever he said.

I've fucked plenty of "adult male virgins," it is no big deal, I'm experienced enough for the both of us, and I've fucked people as Daddy too so theoretically I was a pegging virgin at some point (not that dicks per se make someone a man and penetrative sex isnt the only way to have sex). So yeah I guess it was maybe nerve wracking to be an adult male virgin for me, and approaching women and men is definitely scary the first few times, but I did that too. I understand that there's a narrative some men choose to build their masculinity around sex and how sex must be - but sex is a unique art and dance between two people. It isn't a like, algorithmic performance, it's dynamic. The insecurity around sex is a you all thing, not an every guy thing. You can disagree with it and build a different mindset.

Virgins are not in any way shape or form treated like pedophiles, lol wtf?? That is not true. No one goes to prison or has their right to vote taken away or jobs and housing impacted like felons do, because of being a virgin lol. This is what we all mean by making up a victim narrative compulsively.

Yes, not having prior relationships is an issue when older because there are social skills you need to develop in relationships. Generally if you've dated someone else before, you'll have better conflict resolution skills etc. That is a skill people work very hard towards. It can be okay if the person otherwise shows the ability to have a relationship. Often, things like pretending to be the victim all the time, being hypersensitive to criticism, and having narratives like this about women or dating, show that someone would NOT be a suitable partner. These are skills that can be learned though.

Yeah, you’re not a mysoginist, you’re a misandrist. Same difference.

Ah, okay, so you actually just don't understand what projection is. Gotchya

Hey, you know it’s really harmful to attempt to diagnose mental illnesses in other people when you aren’t a mental health professional and were not hired to diagnose them, right? It’s super harmful to assert that someone has a mental illness, and then insult them for having the mental illness you just pretended to diagnose.

I'm fine harming men like this and you, they constantly do it to me and have for years - and you did do it to me, so clearly that justification is fair with you. Further, NPD isnt a "mental illness," like other PDs, it is a belief set where they CHOOSE to believe in delusions, like these victim narratives or misogyny, and the only way to get them to stop and choose to heal, is to point it out and to not cater to them or caretake them. Anything else will make them worse, which harms society and them.

I don't care about hurting men who openly enjoy abusing me, harming me, and form groups to do so both interpersonally and politically, especially if all I'm doing is laughing at their stupid logic. It's not like I said you obviously have a schriveled dick that can't get hard - no insults from me like that, just a descriptive term for what he (and you) are. In fact, I am attempting to be helpful with his issue, because I am directly and specifically telling him what the exact issue is that makes him repellant to women and others. These men have NPD and misogyny - it makes them unsuitable as partners, esp as safe partners for women. What I'm saying is directly related to what he's upset about. It simply doesn't cater to the victim narrative.

But yeah, everyone who disagrees with you is a narcissist who’s projecting all of their issues on you, and you’re the only reasonable person here

Strawman. And btw you have to make a reasoned argument to be considered reasonable, by definition, meaning not arguing with fallacies.

[–] ThorrJo@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 1 week ago

Ah, okay, so you actually just don't understand what projection is

just because you can mimic a grown-up word does not mean that you know how to use it.

[–] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It's not reality that society cares to ridicule an average man who isn't dating anyone

Sure, aside from the well-recieved post we're commenting under saying that single men are unrelaxing and unenjoyable people

Society/women are generally angry and upset with men who are shitty to women and then get mad women reject them.

As they should be, those guys are awful

Why do you think having anxiety entitles him to control others?

I don't, and neither does he

Yes, here on Lemmy, where he doesn't want people to blah blah whatever he said.

"Blah blah whatever he said?" Are you calling this dude a narcissist for having thoughts and feelings and experiences that you can't even summarize?

I have lots of sex

Proud of u

Virgins are not in any way shape or form treated like pedophiles, lol wtf

Yeah it's a good thing I didn't say that. I wonder if I expounded on the point I was making in the comment you apparently didn't read

I'm fine harming men like this and you, they constantly do it to me and have for years - and you did do it to me, so clearly that justification is fair with you.

When??? I don't have a habit of diagnosing other people with mental illnesses or personality disorders

In fact, I am attempting to be helpful with his issue, because I am directly and specifically telling him what the exact issue is that makes him repellant to women and others.

I guess I might start though, this is a wild fucking take. I'm actually helping you by calling you repulsive. Lmao

Strawman.

You literally said that everyone disagreeing with you here was a narcissist

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world -4 points 1 week ago

Look, I had a nice conversation with other people and realize this is pointless and not worth my time, and you especially aren't. I quit. You win. I don't care. Bye.

[–] Bronzebeard@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 week ago

Are you under the impression that anytime someone speaks to you, it's projection?

Are you unable to see that the person who thinks they can just dismiss people on a public forum who point out the blatant issues with their "argument" is the actual narcissist here? I agree people like you are pathetic.

If you were really bored you'd stop responding