this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2025

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on the male loneliness epidemic (infosec.pub)

submitted 5 days ago by carotte@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/curatedtumblr@sh.itjust.works

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Screenshot of a Tumblr post by nongunktional:

when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue

to all the men out there not getting laid: try less hard to get laid and try more hard to be an enjoyable and relaxing presence

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[+] TranscendentalEmpire@lemmy.today -8 points 4 days ago (3 children)

Because these posts lump all men without relationships together. Does the Tumblr user above make any mention of exceptions? Nope.

Actually it is lumping together the people who self identify as belonging to a "male loneliness epidemic".

Something that is kinda counterintuitive if you just think about it for a second..... Can a demographic of people have an epidemic of loneliness. If they're so lonely why don't they just be friends? Are there not other men experiencing the same anxieties as you in this self identified group?

This is precisely the issue. I've long since moved on from pursuing dating. I don't care if I never have a girlfriend anymore.

Again.....it seems like loneliness isn't the issue. It seems you're just doing the thing the og post accused people of doing. If it's not about sex, why don't you just make some guy friends, or just friends who happen to be girls?

[–] ElPsyKongroo@sh.itjust.works 9 points 4 days ago (1 children)

And once again, I am accused of lying because it doesn't fit your narrative. I'm not even gonna expand further on the fact that I do have friends who happen to be girls. The reason I won't expand further is because you'll just assume I am lying about it. Just as Vreyan31 did, and just as you did.

You are purposedly pretending not to understand that my issue is not sex, it's people assuming I am a piece of shit for not having sex. And to further your own view, you just prove my point, which is that people will disregard anything I say just cause I didn't have a relationship. Seems that the person obsessed with sex isn't me. I'm not the one making judgements of others based on whether they did it or not.

[–] TranscendentalEmpire@lemmy.today -5 points 4 days ago

And once again, I am accused of lying because it doesn't fit your narrative.

When did I accuse you of lying? I think you may be misunderstanding the original post, and the social implementations of a more reclusive generation butting against traditional social norms. However, id hardly say that's an accusation of lying.

I'm not even gonna expand further on the fact that I do have friends who happen to be girls. The reason I won't expand further is because you'll just assume I am lying about it. Just as Vreyan31 did, and just as you did.

Then how does your situation apply to the original claim, and why do you think you belong in the "male loneliness epidemic"?

You are purposedly pretending not to understand that my issue is not sex, it's people assuming I am a piece of shit for not having sex.

Who made that claim? You interpreted that based on the original post.....but if you have friends, why do you consider yourself lonely?

And to further your own view, you just prove my point, which is that people will disregard anything I say just cause I didn't have a relationship.

Being friends with people is a relationship........ The only thing anyone can logically conclude based on the framework of this post is that your self identification of belonging to the epidemic revolves around sex.

Seems that the person obsessed with sex isn't me. I'm not the one making judgements of others based on whether they did it or not.

Okay, so you have plenty of friends, even with girls. But you are still identifying as being part of the male loneliness epidemic because of......? What exactly?

[–] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 7 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

Actually it is lumping together the people who self identify as belonging to a "male loneliness epidemic".

No it's not, they said "to all the men out there not getting laid." How dare a man out there not getting laid assume the post is talking about him just because it literally is?

Are there not other men experiencing the same anxieties as you in this self identified group?

I mean, yeah. There are plenty of other men experiencing the same anxieties, and talking about them in threads like this. And then we get people like that lusty argonian lass replying to us calling us narcissists and incels because we had the audacity to talk about these anxieties. And of course, the fact that we don't like being called incels and narcissists is PROOF that we're incels and narcissists.

If it's not about sex, why don't you just make some guy friends, or just friends who happen to be girls?

You know there's more to a relationship than sex, yeah? Like, I assume you don't see your SO as nothing more than a sex dispenser. I also assume you see your relationship with your SO as fundamentally different from your relationships with other friends. Lemme know if I'm wrong about either of those.

Also, the guy you're replying to isn't complaining about the fact that he doesn't have a girlfriend, he's complaining about the fact that people treat him like some kind of weirdo because he doesn't have a girlfriend

Edit to add:

Can a demographic of people have an epidemic of loneliness. If they're so lonely why don't they just be friends?

This completely ignores the heart of the issue, the fact that the mechanisms by which we are able to make friends have largely been taken away from us. Everything costs money now, money that people don't have. There is a dearth of affordable third places, and widespread internet use has ensured that what third places there still are have fewer people than ever to meet.

[–] TranscendentalEmpire@lemmy.today -3 points 4 days ago

No it's not, they said "to all the men out there not getting laid." How dare a man out there not getting laid assume the post is talking about him just because it literally is?

Ahh yes...... The second statement is made without any regard to the context of first statement.

If that's the case, what's wrong with advising men who aren't getting laid to focus on self improvement?

mean, yeah. There are plenty of other men experiencing the same anxieties, and talking about them in threads like this.

Sooo.... If you are all so lonely, I suggest you be friends. You already have a bunch in common. Then you'd have no reason to blame everyone else for your inability to build meaningful relationships! Some how I don't think you're just looking for male companionship.....

You know there's more to a relationship than sex, yeah? Like, I assume you don't see your SO as nothing more than a sex dispenser.

Yeah... But I don't rely solely on my wife for companionship. It's not exactly healthy to be emotionally codependent.

your relationship with your SO as fundamentally different from your relationships with other friends.

Besides a closer physical intimacy.... Not really. My best friend and his wife are very dear to me and I would share anything with them that I would share with my wife.

the fact that people treat him like some kind of weirdo because he doesn't have a girlfriend

Idk, kinda seems like he tries to misdirect all his issues to the fact that he doesn't have a partner. It's really not abnormal to be single, especially now a days.

[+] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world -9 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

They are a vulnerable narcissist, like most misogynists/incels. They pathologically must pretend to be a victim to curate their delusions about women.

https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-a-vulnerable-narcissist-7369901

Although harboring a grandiose sense of self importance, entitlement and need for admiration, a type of narcissism known as vulnerable narcissism is also characterized by feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and hypersensitivity to criticism

People with this type of narcissism tend to be more vulnerable to rejection and have difficulty forming meaningful relationships. They may also become easily overwhelmed and have difficulty dealing with stress

"A vulnerable narcissist describes someone who is hypersensitive to rejection and extremely self-conscious. They tend to be insecure, as well. They become angry or offended when not put on a pedestal. A person with vulnerable narcissism is highly sensitive to criticism. People with vulnerable narcissism often lack empathy. If they do show empathy it is used to build their own self-importance."

[–] TranscendentalEmpire@lemmy.today -3 points 4 days ago (1 children)

At the very least there is some serious cognitive dissonance going on......

If this isn't about "women withholding sex" as they claim.....then what is it about? Like, how am I supposed to make you have friends? Relationships of any sort are hard work, no one just hands you their time and effort.