cats

Mr. Pickles the vase was found on the floor in pieces by the lady of the house.
You were witnessed on the mantle shortly after the incident.
What is your defense?

Meow?

That's convenient. It seems to be an odd coincidence indeed. And yet we have a long list of witnesses of your blatant disregard for elevated objects.
I myself witnessed you dislodge a flower pot last week. Can you explain that as coincidence?

Mrow.

No. No you can't. With all these repeat offenses how are we supposed to judge you?

Meow.

Yes I see. That's right. You are indeed a cat. We don't judge you. You judge us.

Your cats are lawyers too?! My 3 boys just made partner at "Cat Butt, Cat Butt & Tail"

I talk to my cat as if I'm summoning a demon. I'm sure the old lady next door is concerned.

Neth'Sin the Eternal Tormentor can only actually torment you by pissing off the side of the cat box, or a protest turd by the toilet.

In that case i hope youre not giving them free room and board.