TransLater

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A community for trans folk who transitioned or are transitioning later in life.

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ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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Coping with the early stages (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 4 days ago by ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/translater@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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How have you all coped with the early stages of medical and social transition? I'm in an in-between stage where I'm going to seriously start failing at boymode soon. I hate my old, gravelly, dysphoric voice and avoid it at all costs. I can't avoid certain undergarments at this point either, because a lack of support is a bit painful. I'm in the unfortunate position of not being able to even run errands because my ex-coworkers all go to the same local places and I'm not publicly out in my industry yet. The flip side is that if I went for femme-presenting, I'm quite visibly trans and it's entirely my face. There isn't much to do about that for some time yet.

I'm wondering how others go about finding a balance for being themselves, getting through a day, and not having to have this constant internal and external struggle of "who am I today?".

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[–] ncc21166@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I appreciate the well-thought-out and detailed response. It reads like the manual of things I went through learning bit by bit over the 11 years I spent repressed. I've been through most of it at this point. The hair's getting there and my very affirming salon appointment is in a few weeks. My makeup skills aren't amazing, but I can handle everything but contouring and eyeshadow now. My voice therapist actually discharged me after 3 months because she said I'd exceeded her skillset. I'm not happy with where I am but I pass vocally. I have a decent wardrobe for casual situations that's strongly femme-presenting and I like my jewelry. I am excellent with manicures. My spouse has commented on how good my nails look, especially since I chewed them raw for 30 years.

All of that to say that I'm comfortable with everything except my face. I'm partway into laser removal, but I am still very blocky and have the worst caveman browline. The widows peak isn't helping. But my biggest concern is mostly safety. I'm in a rural area full of literal card-carrying MAGA nuts who roll coal. I was already the odd one out with only electric cars in the garage and moving to native plants instead of a lawn, but if I go out as myself I would be putting my spouse in danger. It's ironically easier to do when I'm further afield from home.

I guess the things I'm really worried about are being myself and finding ways to do that in spaces where I'm not really safe.