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I'm a tall, straight man and squarely middle class so your mileage may vary.
Lean into the discomfort. Discuss it openly with people. My best relationships were with woman who I was already able to talk about sex stuff with without turning bright red. This sounds like it is a hard place to get to, but that's the religious conditioning. Many people are open to talking about sex if they're comfortable and it's an appropriate environment. Not everyone feels the shame and worry because not everyone went through this.
Consider talking to a therapist or counselor if it's impacting your ability to function in the world how you want to. Churches are just "good" cults and some use very sketchy, manipulative tactics. It's not your fault you got sucked into it, and it's not too late to unlearn those things. Don't throw out any good things you got from church, I'm great in front of a crowd thanks to my time with religion.
Lastly, whips and chains may be scary, but some alternative lifestyle communities have classes or discussion groups that can show you the depth and variety of sexual expression without committing to actually participating and in a structured environment which can be a HUGE stress reliever for people.