this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2025
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Autism
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I'm working on a theory. When I miss a social cue or don't read somebody's visible emotions, it's not because I didn't see the sad face or missed some context. Usually I'm seeing a whole bunch of conflicting emotional cues or social context clues but learned at a young age that I can't just make an assumption based on one of those. Some times people lie, some times they say one thing but mean another, some social rules compel certain contrary behaviors on top of all that. And also I have to be aware that I may have actually missed something so the info I'm seeing isn't always enough to make an assumption on either.
I don't think we're the ones who can't read emotions, I think we are reading more things all at once and can't select 1 possibility to act upon when presented with a social dilemma like reading an emotion. Does that resonate with anyone else?
Being forced to read between the lines because other people are afraid of being honest with themselves is exhausting, frustrating and confusing.
Often that dishonesty comes in the form of manipulation. They want me to continue treating them the way that I do while offering nothing in return except to tear me down for treating everyone else the same way I treat them.
At least that's my perspective from my experiences.
The only people I want to be around these days are those that can embrace being honest with themselves and the people they surround themselves with. I no longer tolerate being forced to read subtle cues that conflict with what they say and do.
Big same! I have no energy for anyone who wants to play games instead of communicating clearly. I have even less energy for those who would rather assume what I feel based on tone or body language than listen to my words about my own experiences.
My tone is tied to my energy level, not to my feelings about the things I say or the person I’m speaking to. When tired, I can either communicate in a flat tone, write/type my thoughts, or not talk at all. I’d rather be around people who understand that and won’t try to argue me (especially at a time when I feel particularly drained, which is when such conflicts tend to arise.)
As a result, the people I can tolerate after work are of an exclusive group, primarily made of other autists who know how to handle direct communication. (Not-so-fun note: my own mom doesn’t even pass this bar. She would love a call, I know, but I just can’t deal with her standards sometimes.)